How To Handle Roommate Issues

in Roommates on by

As a youngster, you never understood why you had to do chores—couldn’t dishes and things just take care of themselves? Some people never grow out of this stage, and have difficulty cleaning up after themselves. Others never learn to respect boundaries or really listen to what people are telling them. If you’re in the unfortunate situation of having a roommate who’s dirty, incommunicative, lazy, or who just doesn’t get it, here are some strategies for resolving major issues. First, let’s lay down the ground rules for dealing with difficult roommates.

The rules we’ll be working with are Speak (Speak Up, Speak Firmly, and Speak Often) and Solve (Propose a Solution, Agree on a Solution, and Implement a Solution). Hints and notes don’t work—you need to confront your roommate about contentious issues and make a decision regarding how to address them. Difficult as it may be, would you really rather spend another day navigating between piles of your roommate’s dirty laundry and dishes on your way to the bathroom than risk temporarily angering your roommate? If you’re truly friends, your roommate will respect your wishes. If you’re not friends, you might not ever need to see the person again—so why waste your time tiptoeing around an issue? The best way to deal with roommate problems is to avoid them altogether by screening your roommates through some sort of interview process. Once a problem becomes apparent, however, addressing it sooner rather than later is always the best approach. Here are examples where we implement this approach in two particularly contentious situations:

Dirty Dishes

Dishes may be one of the most combative roommate issues, simply because they can be a) disgusting and b) easily attributed to one individual. You know what dishes you did and didn’t use, so you know that the giant stack of plates sticky with syrup and moldy with mayonnaise is definitely not yours, and you are definitely not cleaning it. You’re probably not even willing to put it in the dishwasher, if you have one. Seething in silence about dirty dishes will never get them washed, and stacking up dirty dishes outside your roommate’s door will probably only cause the pile to get bigger faster, resulting in a complete lack of clean surfaces for eating. You’ll need to speak up, and have a solution to propose.

Before chewing out your roommate for being “a filthy, lazy pig,” however, consider his or her possible reasons for not doing the dishes. Is your roommate often in a hurry when eating and not able to do dishes immediately after dinner? Perhaps your roommate works nights, or attends night school and needs to rush to class in the evenings. Try to enter the conversation prepared to understand and accommodate your roommates’ needs, and have a proposed solution in mind. Rather than demand that your roommate wash all dishes immediately after using them, gently suggest that items should be placed in the dishwasher right away (if you have one), or that a deadline be set: all dishes must be washed within two days, for example, or within one week, if you’re more flexible. Make it clear that your goal is not to antagonize your roommate, but to create a better living environment for both of you. Offer to alternate weeks doing dishes, if that works better for your roommate, and remain flexible—this is the best way to get what you really want.

Cluttered Common Areas

Though it’s tempting, breaking your roomie’s things or spilling beer on them is a better way to anger your roommate (and increase his or her resolve to make a mess) than resolve a problem with clutter. If your roommate just can’t avoid shedding sweatshirts, backpacks, CDs, and other items everywhere he or she goes, start out with simple statements: “I noticed you’re leaving a lot of things around the apartment. Sometimes I worry I might break or lose one of your things, so I wondered if we could agree to keep most of your things in your room.” Being empathetic and voicing a concern for your roommate will result in a better dialogue than simply complaining about your roommate’s habits. You simply need to discuss the situation and arrive at an agreement that at least partially satisfies both of you. The following suggestions may help you start a successful dialogue on this issue:

1. Set aside a special area in each room where your roommate can keep his or her belongings. This could be a special drawer in the kitchen, a table in the living room, a basket in the bathroom, or even the entire hall closet. Rather than expecting your roommate to conform fully to your spic-and-span standards, this suggestion allows the roommate to leave items around the house in a more confined and controlled way.

2. Make a deal. Say you’ll pick up your roommate’s things once a week if your roomie will clean the bathroom or take out the trash each week. If your roommate can be relied on to do some chores, but not others, compromising and distributing tasks may be the way to go.

3. Create a schedule. If your roommate can’t be bothered to pick up everything, all the time, make a rule that all personal items must be removed from communal areas once or twice a week. Include yourself in this rule so it doesn’t seem like all the attention is on your roommate’s habits.

Speaking up and solving the problem with communication and compromise is the way to address roommate issues. Never stay silent and never attack your roommate. If you can’t reach a compromise, or if your roommate doesn’t uphold the compromise after several attempts, you may need to consider looking for a new roommate. It’s a last resort, but may be better than living with a truly difficult individual.

136 Responses to “How To Handle Roommate Issues”

  1. December 11, 2006 at 1:50 pm, Guest said:

    You may want to check out ChoreMonk. It’s an on-line application that handles the doling-out of household chores, and makes things very simple and fair.


  2. December 14, 2006 at 6:15 am, Guest said:

    what if I have 8 roommates… and that a few of them always forget part of their dishes. How do I get them to do them? I’ve put up notes, but if I actually ask them to do it they say it isn’t them. With so many people it’s impossible to figure out who’s the real problem.

    Plus they only don’t do dishes when I’m not around (because they know I get mad about it otherwise)… it’s getting to be REALLY ANNOYING!


  3. December 17, 2006 at 9:05 am, Guest said:

    My son signed a lease with his now estranged wife back in Feb. 2006. The wife left in July; he got a roommate in September. He’s a full-time student and cannot manage the rent alone. I co-signed for the apartment. His lease will be up for renewal soon. What steps should he take to protect his living situation and keep the apartment?
    His soon to be ex wife broke the lease when she moved out and hasn’t offered any help, although she has stored some of her belongings in the apt, but we have managed to keep the rent paid on time. Will this have any effect on my son’s lease renewal?


  4. January 13, 2007 at 9:56 am, Guest said:

    My roommate is JUST NOT LISTENING TO ME!!!!!!! I have tried every way imaginable to get her to compromise with me on the noise issue of the house, but she just won’t! I don’t hink it is intentional….I just think that she is oblivious to everyone and evrything around her, and also….she’s got three kids.
    Now…I love the kids to death, and they r noisey….but it is her that is the biggest problem….HELP!!!!!!!


  5. January 13, 2007 at 11:56 pm, Guest said:

    One of my roommates gets on my nerves pretty easily. I’ve asked her to leave my stuff alone and stay out of my room, but she continues to ignore me. We already had a meeting with our area coordinator and resident assistant (who is one of the other roommates), which led to no solution. Everything I said was ignored. I’m really frustrated, but I can’t completely change my entire life for one bratty kid who likes to live in a bubble. Any suggestions?


  6. January 29, 2007 at 1:03 pm, Guest said:

    Can you put a lock on your door?


  7. January 29, 2007 at 1:06 pm, Guest said:

    Instead of a renewal, ask the landlord to do a new lease with the ex (?) wife off of the lease. As long as you’re cosigning, that shouldn’t be a problem. Then he should get the key back or get the locks rekeyed so she doesn’t have 24-hour access to the apartment once she’s no longer a responsible party.


  8. February 14, 2007 at 12:08 pm, Guest said:

    I am living in a house that has been converted to 3 seperate apartments. Technically I live alone, but since we do share the same house, utilities & property it is very similar to having roommates. My next door neighbors drive me insane. My list of complaints could go on and on – very loud, throw keggers, never have picked up after their dog’s crap (pets are supposidly not allowed based on my lease), caused a fire due to their personal belongings too close to the furnace (which resulted in me not having heat for 13 days within one month period), they have control of the heat and it appears that they like to play games with me – turn down the heat so I don’t have any when they are home because they get too hot, but when they are leaving the house they blast it so I am sweating like crazy, refuse to give me copies of the utility bills so I do not know what to pay & it appears to the landlord that I am not paying my share, unfairly divide the water & gas bills, have never once helped out with shoveling snow – we have alot of area to be cleared and it is stated in the lease agreement, I have been doing it myself, etc. etc. etc. They are moving in about 2 months, but I don’t know if I can take one more day with these people. The landlord and them have a personal relationship so he allows them to get away with murder from my perspective. Just recently things have gotten to the point where all communication is no longer effective with these people. Attitudes are starting to flair. I keep calling and complaining to the landlord even though I know he is not legally responsible for them. I am getting to the point where everything is starting to build and I am about to blow. I’m trying to play my cards right, but I’m afraid my anger will get the best of me. Any suggestions as to how to handle them for the next few months?


  9. March 01, 2007 at 2:41 am, Guest said:

    My roommate situation right now is out of control. 1st and foremost she has her bf living there who doesn’t have a job and clearly makes 75% of the mess in the apt, and refuses to pay his share of utilities. I told her I wanted him out, and now that we aren’t on good terms she is trying to tell our managers that he only comes into town once in awhile, because she is also forcing me to pay 1/2 of the rent so that they have barely any to pay. Also I have a pet prescription which allows me a companion animal well she brought her dog into the picture and will not allow me to have a dog, saying that her’s was here 1st. Now She brought birds home which I am allergic to. Her verbal abuse has completely escalated to the fact that for the last 2 weeks i was staying there I was crying for almost everyday, with the your an ugly fat blob, your a sad person why would anyone want to hang out with you, your trash , you get the idea. The latest is that she says as long as I’m staying there her and her bf are not going to let me sleep. I can’t handle this I’m 4 1/2 months pregnant and my stress levels are so high my doctor says that if it continues this way it may be bedrest for me for the rest of the pregnancy or it could lead to a miscarriage, now I recently found out that I have cancer. I don’t understand how one person can be so hurtful and so uncaring. Unfortunately the way it sounds, I’m stuck in the lease, but does anyone think there is really anything I can do to get out of this lease??


  10. March 04, 2007 at 2:19 am, Guest said:

    honey, you need to move out. stay with a friend, family…anyone. even if you have to continue to pay for a place in which you are not living no amount of money means more than your emotional well-being.


  11. March 12, 2007 at 12:21 am, Guest said:

    what if you just kill’em? f— beating around the bush.


  12. March 17, 2007 at 4:52 pm, Guest said:

    I currently living with someone, who has been caught with her new pet. She is refusing to pay the required amount to keep the pet and is content to force an eviction. I am the main lease holder, as I lived there independently for a year before she moved in. What can I do to prevent the eviction from affecting me. I read somewhere that as the main lease holder, I can ask that she be evicted. Also, if we are both evicted because of her pet, will it still negatively affect my record, if my current apartment re-signs with me?


  13. April 18, 2007 at 2:26 pm, Guest said:

    hi i just moved into a 3bedroom 3bath house its me and 2 kids and my girl my friend and his wife i put up $4ooo to move in and they would owe me $1200 cause they had no money to get there own place well after 2weeks of moving in they tell me there moving out the problem is there no lease only there info now tht i’m about to sign my lease they left and now they want to take shit tht doesn’t belong to them isn’t poessesion 9 tenth of the law?can the cops let them take it?now i’m stuck with a place tht i can’t afford the whole reason i got such a big place was to look out for them wht can i do?i think i’m f–k


  14. April 28, 2007 at 9:28 am, Guest said:

    My roommates and I argued over a water bill that was MUCH too high for 3 months. The problem was the bill got sent to one of their ex roommates aout 4 hours away. The bill has a previous balance from when I moved in, water that I did NOT use.. and they still want me to pay my one fourth of it. I know I am not responsible for this so I did not pay it.. only paid my 1/4th for the months I was there. It recently became too hostile in the house for me to even be there alone. All of my stuff is moved out. They want me to pay for May. Do I have any rights concerning not feeling safe in the house that can get me out of paying for the rest of the lease? Also, one day I was there one of the roommates got mad because I did not have time to speak with her and took a chair of mine out of the common living area and threw it outside. I do not feel safe living there and have not been there for almost a month now. What do I do?


  15. April 29, 2007 at 1:33 pm, Guest said:

    One way or another, you have to remove yourself from this situation. I would talk to your landlord and see if the lease could be disolved, or what recommendations they have. There may be a legal loophole in the lease because of medical issues related to pregnancy and stress.

    If nothing else, you can try to sublease and let someone else deal with your psycho roommate. You might be able to find a subleaser that is even crazier then her and give her a taste of her own medicine.


  16. May 18, 2007 at 6:27 pm, Guest said:

    I picked up a stray and now he wont leave. I allowed this individual to stay with me until he found his own place. 10 months later with 4 months unpaid rent and refusing to leave. I have called the police and explained the situation including he has a warrant out for his arrest (VP). Their suggestion was to file an eviction due to the fact he he has resided here more than 30 days, which legally is his residence. His family, friends will not help me, Understand my apt lease is in my name only, I would prefer to place his stuff outside the door and change the locks. In which I anticipate he will rage out and try to break the sliding glass door. Which I flip the bill for. What do I do?


  17. June 01, 2007 at 6:52 am, Guest said:

    file the eviction, then when he loses his case in court your local sheriff can officially escort his ass out of yr life… best to do things by the book…


  18. June 04, 2007 at 11:42 am, Guest said:

    ok seriously, my roomate befriended a homeless man and let him sleep, eat, smoke, bathe, and puke all in my room. The carpet is stained from wall to wall, i still haven’t used my shower, (I’ve been showering at the gym) and on top of that, she said he was holding on to a pair of my personal garments….it’s disgusting.


  19. June 17, 2007 at 12:05 pm, Guest said:

    yeah what to do with someone whos mentally ill u take in and is out of control and verbally abusive argumentive and unappreciative sloppy and oh ill change change crap and claims he wants and likes me and my spouse and likes it here keeps saying he wants to change and all and its so frustrating mental health and local cops wont do anything to help and its got to point I got mental health cops and friends and my mom and now his family involved hes got borderline personality disorder we got him out of mice infested place and my mom bought him clothes and stuff and got him out of mice infested place two months before his other lease is up and I need help advice suggestions we want it to work out and not give up on him but its frustrating. signed sherri .


  20. July 05, 2007 at 3:30 pm, Guest said:

    Its seems your best bet is to look for new roomate,and do a background check including their financial situation. As far as your property you better hope you have documention e.g. reciepts, invoices, etc. that proved you’re the owner.

    Otherwise it’s a ‘you said-he said’ situation.


  21. July 05, 2007 at 3:38 pm, Guest said:

    I would talk to whoever your leaser (who ever owns the place where you live) is or their agent e.g. the manager since with some legal limitions it is essentially up to them. If its a choice between eviction and paying the fee for her you may want to just pay it and take her to small claims court to recover it.


  22. July 06, 2007 at 12:43 am, Guest said:

    i hope you can get yourself together enough to take care of your baby


  23. July 19, 2007 at 3:17 pm, Guest said:

    I currently live in a 4 Bdr 1 Ba house with my 2 kids and husband(when he’s not deployed). I had a really good friend who was in a bind and needed a place to live. My husband and I discussed it and we offered to let her move in and NOT pay rent. In exchange she was to help me around the house and occassionally help watch the girls. This was to help me out since he is gone for 18 months. She agreed to this arrangement. I have only asked her to watch my children two times in 12 weeks. Once was just to run up to the store. Which she refused to do. She doesn’t pay anything towards rent or any utilities. She also isn’t doing anything around the house..Except to make a mess.. I have graciously allowed her to have her children come stay with her for 5 weeks this summer. That makes 7 people living my house. They have been rude, mean, disrespectfull of my childrens things and she allows them to. I called her to let her know that we were almost out of milk and could she get a gallon. I had bought the last 3. I came home to find that she had labeled everything in the refrigerator and in the cabinet as hers..This is final straw.. I want the peace and quiet of my house back. How do I go about getting her to move? I have mentioned that she might want to check out local apartments and her response is that she can’t afford it. Which I now know is not true. Do I have to legally have her evicted? This is my home. My husband has lived in this house since he was 10. Any suggestions would be GREAT


  24. July 27, 2007 at 11:09 am, Guest said:

    Don’t suggest that she find another place, TELL her to start looking for another place, because it is normal for non-relatives to live with families with kids. Casually tell her, “My husband and I have been discussing it, and we think it’s about time you start looking for a roommate or something”, and then make up some excuse. If this doesn’t work, then set a date. “I’ve asked you to find a place to stay but you don’t seem to be putting forth much effort. I’m sorry, but we’re getting the locks changed on this date and I need you to have your stuff out by then.” I had to do this to a person once. I changed the locks, called her, and said, “I changed the locks. Let me know when you want to come get your stuff.” Don’t worry about her being homeless, because there will always be another friend she can go to, saying, “My roommate just kicked me out. Can I stay here for a few days?” Let someone else deal with her. Hope this advice works.


  25. July 27, 2007 at 11:16 am, Guest said:

    A few years ago, my roommate and I decided to rent a house with one of our friends from work. This guy would let his dog stay in the house and it would deffacate all over the place. Our carpets were stained and it smelled terrible. I was embarrassed to even bring friends over. And he also never did any chores at all. After about three months, my original roommate and I found another apartment and told the guy, “We broke our lease. We all have to be out by the first. Good luck.” He was crying and told us how messed up it was but we told him that his actions caught up to him, and we never spoke to him again.


  26. July 30, 2007 at 10:54 am, Guest said:

    my roommate assaulted me and i left. the landlord want release from lease until my roommate who assaulted me signed the agreement. My roommmate said she is not signing the agreement. I left and don’t feel I should have to pay her anything. Will I win in court. I have press charges on my roommate.


  27. August 17, 2007 at 5:17 pm, Guest said:

    First you should bring up these issues. If she’s hostile, then yep, just kick her out. A legal eviction is as easy as calling the police to escort her, throwing her onto the street and changing the locks.

    Honestly, some people just aren’t thankful for what you do, no matter what or how far you bend. Sounds like a terrible roomate. You might want to tell her she needs to look for another place, and give her a deadline. When the deadline comes and she’s got nothing packed, it’s time to make a little call to the local police station.


  28. August 17, 2007 at 5:20 pm, Guest said:

    Not sure where you live, but just because you SQUAT there for 30 days doesn’t mean you legally live there. Call the police again and demand they escort him off YOUR property. If a bum broke in when you were on vacation, you wouldn’t have to serve him an eviction notice.


  29. August 17, 2007 at 5:24 pm, Guest said:

    You can usually break leases, but they cost money or they require you to find a new resident. What you can do is, like somebody already mentioned, go to your landlord, explain the situation and see if he won’t just transfer the lease into her name. Then say you’re moving out, and if she wants to stay, the lease is hers. If not, pay the break and throw her ass out and leave yourself.


  30. August 29, 2007 at 7:43 pm, Guest said:

    tell her she has to move out. if she does not, call the police and have her removed. she has no share in the house, and therefore has no claim to it. she is and always has been an invited guest, so uninviting her is all it takes.


  31. September 09, 2007 at 10:50 pm, Guest said:

    ok im not sure what do to anymore.
    so i found this amazing apartment right next to campus. I was all ready to move in with the girl i met that already lived there. a couple days before we are supposed to sign she says she is moving back to ohio and if i dont tell her in two days that i have a roommate she is giving it up to someone else. so i check out facebook, and i think i find this great guy, hes gay a neat freak a former cheerleader and he seems really outgoing and friendly. we move in, and from day one he does absolutely nothing to lift a finger. i mean he brings with him like everything for his room, like a shot glass and some toilet paper. I basically furnished the entire apartment by myself. I had to beg my mom to give me all this stuff just so we could have a couch. first of all the place may be cute but the property manager def. did not clean it before we got in. so i clean the entire place, i mean everything i spend time organizing everything because i really just want to have a great year. not a week later his crazy “girlfriends” come over. now im trying to get to know my roommate so im offering them drinks yada yada. we happen to live next a frat so we all head over there. Before i know it these crazy bitches decide they need to steal my neighbors poster off the wall! I mean its a big party and they just think they can get away with it. obviously thats not the case. it turns into a big fiasco and the whole time im mortally embarressed. i have to live next door all year and they are already causing problems. eventually they come back to the house and they start bitching about the whole thing. at this point i just dont say a word cus im speechless as to why someone would do that. either way i go to bed forget about the whole thing. two days later, i come home from work and i sit on the couch. my “fabulous roomie” decides we need to have a talk. so i sit there, before i know it (at this point im silent) he is screaming at me, telling me im a horrible person im a horrible roommate. he tells me i dont spend enough time with him, that i dont ask him questions about himself. he says that he thinks im a mean melicious person and that im just pretty much the worst person in the world. at this point its been like 2 and a half weeks since we have moved in. eventually i think he tired himself out and just like walked away. (mind you it took him 1 1/2 to do this) so after a couple of silent days i tell him i think its just not working out. he starts screaming again he says i knew you would do this to me!! then he says Fine but i refuse to sign the papers unless its a girl. i say fine ill do my best and he says you better and huffs away. anyways, we now dont speak and i came home the other day and he took the microwave out of the kitchen, the pots and pans and his lone shot glass. and he put one of those crazy pad locks on his door. the guy is completely insane!!! now i cant find anyone to fill my place let alone find a place for myself. i feel completely trapped and honestly afraid. he just seems like he is going to lose it at any time!


  32. September 19, 2007 at 6:26 pm, Guest said:

    I have to confess something. I just moved into this apartment with my cousin two weeks ago. My cousin has already been here for 2 months. Her previous roommate got married and moved out. She was desprately looking for a roommate so I decided to help her out and room with her. I love it here but I also hate it here at the same time. I love that it’s a two bedroom, two bath with laundry for 200/month but I hate that it’s a basement apartment with no windows. Also, I can’t find a job. This town has few jobs to apply for and the wages are really low. I’ve decided that I can’t afford to stay here. My cousin’s boyfriend is going to sign the lease and switch it to my name when I get a job. I told my cousin two days ago that if I don’t get a job by October 15 that I’m going to move out. I also told her to find another roommate. I don’t think she believed me though because she laughed and said not to worry about finding a job. When she got home today she asked if I applied for any jobs so I said yes I applied for 7 jobs today. In fact, I couldn’t find any place to apply for. Last week when I told her I couldn’t find any places hiring she said I wasn’t looking hard enough. Anyways, my confession is that I miss home and want to move back so I haven’t been applying for jobs. I don’t want to tell her that I don’t like it here so I’ve decided that it’s easier just to tell her that I can’t find a job and it wasn’t my choice to leave. Sorry for all the rambling. It probably didn’t make any sense.


  33. September 27, 2007 at 10:04 am, Guest said:


    My friend from my church group asked me how many bedrooms i had and eluded to having her stay with me. I have 2 bed, 2 bath. I let her be my roommate becuase she said she only needed about 3 months or so to get back on her feet. Now, she talks about when my lease is up (way after 3 months) we can get a new apt or a house together so we can save money.
    Now, she has the tv on all the time, uses the w/d way too much and takes long showers day and night. My electric is super high so I manually adjust the A/C. She started complaining and I told her that I can’t afford a higher elec bill for the 3 MONTHS she will be here. I add “the 3 months” to every conversation so she can know I don’t wnat to live as a rommmate longer that that. I work from home and allowed her my office to stay in. My boss is not too happy with that so she is hoping this will only be three months. Now my roomie has moved in all kinds of stuff that she originally said she would move into a storage and would only bring in the “bare esstentials” for the 3 month stay. She seems to be getting comfortable and now I stay in my room cuase I work a lot and to avoid her becuase she talks my ear off and I can’t get any work done if I don’t. I feel trapped in my own home. How and when do I bring up her looking for another place by the time the 3 months is gone?


  34. October 10, 2007 at 4:06 pm, Guest said:

    I have roomed with my now ex-lover as oh 11/06 until present, but the lease is soon too expire (this month) and I want him to go but the management tells you that the person you want removed needs to sign in writting that they want to be removed from thelease but won’t do it?


  35. November 04, 2007 at 4:02 pm, Guest said:

    yea man, i can sort of understand that. I rented a house near campus for me and two of my friends. We got the house in the beginning of the summer, so one friend (we’ll call him J) went home for the summer, while I stayed with the other roomate (we’ll call him D). Niether one of these guys lifted a finger to furnish the place, aside from their own bedrooms. I had to spend most of my summer tracking down sofas and TV stands and tables and chairs and a dining set and every other thing you can imagine. Now, with everything in the house being mine, sometimes they think that somehow I’m trying to grab “power” (even though quite frankly, since everything in the common areas is mine, and I’m the sole leasholder, I kinda think I have more of a say than they do). Things with D are mostly fine now, but J now is being a complete dickhead and cleaning up after himself and doing the dishes. And he’s the one who uses the most dishes and also vegetates all night on the sofa watching TV, dropping food and drinks everywhere (on the floor, on my furniture) and then I have to clean up after him. Now we’re in a major argument over this, since I’m not being this f—— maid anymore. Hopefully he’ll grow up real soon.


  36. November 06, 2007 at 10:10 am, Guest said:

    Roommates girlfriend

    Not sure what to do at this point. My roommate is dating a mutal friend. When they started dating the the girl in the relationship told me all these terrible things my roommate would say about me. When i would get angry she would urge us to get a long. When i confronted my roommate about this, he said that he never did any of those things. So not sure if the girl was trying to make sure she put a wedge in our friendship. Now i am without one of my best friends which was my roommate. Due to the lies that one told.Not really sure which one told the lies. Now i have to share the common space and make sure i make them feel comfortable. what should be my next step at this point.I have been miserable for weeks!


  37. November 06, 2007 at 11:37 pm, Guest said:

    Well I can tell you from personal experience, nothing is more annoying and irratating than a roommate who puts off doing something that has been asked to be done!! Either do it, or be HONEST because just putting it off will show your lack of respect for your roommates wishes and financial needs!


  38. November 14, 2007 at 4:41 pm, Guest said:

    there are four girls in my apartment including me. My roomate and I get along great and we have been brought up in households where we did our part so chores come natural to us. However for the two other girls, not so much. One of the two other girls cleans once in a while in manic spurts and does contribute, so I don’t have much qualms about her, but the fourth girl…OMG. I can’t take it anymore. She has only emptied the dishwasher TWICE in the 3 months we have lived here, taken out the trash twice, and I believe that’s it. We have a large recycling bin that needs to be emptied and my roomate and I have taken the recycling out twice as a team effort, and I keep on leaving notes on the whiteboard telling the other two girls that it’s their turn but my requests seem to fade into thin air- obviously they don’t respect me and think they can get away with it. It’s the fourth girl feels entitled to having chores done for her. She’s also incredibly cheap because she never buys toilet paper and steals it from my bathroom. She also never contributed money to apartment furniture and expenses because she wasn’t ” consulted first” but hey last time i checked she uses the coffee table all the time. She’s so selfish and keeps her 30 inch tv in her room and leaves the 12 inch in the common area. Her roomate is too mousy to confront her and it seems everyone is afraid of her. At this point I am tired of writing messages on the whiteboard and I want my voice heard, but I don’t want to seem bitchy or confrontational. How do I get this lazy girl do get off her a$$ and contribute, How do i convey to her that she can’t live here for free??


  39. December 11, 2007 at 12:08 am, Guest said:

    I dont think you are even close to understanding where this situation is or was at. We all need help from time to time in our lives and this roommate talks your ear off because she is frightened in life and afraid she will have no where to go, no where to turn, and the only person that seems to listen is you. She is leaning on you probably “desperately” hoping that the rug doesn’t get pulled out from under her right when she starts to get her head above water. She has no future plans at the moment which is valid because she is trying to get on her feet, and actually just trying to COPE with life at the moment, trying to survive and trying to figure on where she is going to go because she probably doesnt have many friends.
    What a terrible place for anyone to be. And now you avoid her like the plauge. She hasn’t had a very easy life. She feels that somewhere in this life she should have a moment to rest and relax like other people, but those moments never seem to come without much trying and trying. This is why she is watching tv, trying to relax, just gain one moment in this life of relaxation before she has to go back out into the rough world on her own and simply do it all over again before someone else kicks her to the curb. She is probably hoping that something good will one day come her way, like a friend who will completely understand, but she cant understand why people just dont understand. Now dont get me wrong you have helped her but she needs you to go more than that extra miles and you have decided not too.

    What the world really needs is friends who will give more not less.

    It is nice you opened your house to her but to open your heart to her would be the best thing for her, but she needs more because this world has taken so much from her.
    Hope you figure it all out!


  40. January 13, 2008 at 8:36 pm, Guest said:

    My daughter and one of her friends moved into a two bedroom townhome and they split the rent and utilities 50/50. a friend of her roommates “dropped in” for what was supposed to be a week and has now been three months. The third party doesn’t have a job and is a big slob. My daughter had to sign the lease in just her name because her friend’s credit from a previous lease had not been cleaned up but the apartment management knows she’s there. Isn’t it ilegal for the third party to stay and can’t my daughter just toss her to the curb.


  41. January 17, 2008 at 10:38 am, Guest said:

    I would appreciate feedback.

    Im relocating out of state. My friend moved her last September & since has moved an hours drive north where I will be working. She entered the lease w/ the option of adding me to it when I get a job.

    For the past month I have been helping her move. She works mon-fri and drives an hour each way. We had and agreement that i would be here free of rent & ulitities in return for moving her belongings, cleaning & getting the house up & running. And I found a job I too would relocate and the TWO of us would be roommates.

    Well, here were are not even 3 weeks later & her son (20yrs old) has just moved in! Flew in from Ohio.He sleeps till noon, eats, showers & plays music & xbox till 2-3am every night! I was buying the food, cleaning & cooking dinner until her son showed up & I stopped.

    Our initial agreement was that would we share the rent and utilities 50/50. She has since moved ALL of her furniture in and her kid. She told me I dont know what you will do with your furniture, I guess you can put it in my storgae bin & pay 1/2 the rent each month. She keeps telling me she’s booting her son after 30 days!

    I know if it was one of my kids that came to stay she would be right on the horn laying down rules and saying, I’m not paying 1/2 of all with your kid here.
    Meanwhile, her bedroom was on one side of the house with a bathroom & mine on the other w/ private bath(much smaller). She moved her son in the room next to hers. Sunday she “traded” my room & her sons room! TOLD ME SHE CANT HAVE HIM IN THE BEDROOM NEXT DOOR HE KEEPS HER UP ALL NIGHT.

    HE KEEPS ME UP ALL NIGHT in & out of the kitchen & her TV also keeps me up (our bedrooms share a wall & thats right where her TV is.)

    There’s no quiet time! They both blare the TV, XBOX & Stereo from the time they get up until 2-3am.
    Rent is 1500/month. I got a job this week – she said good you owe 750 for rent in 2 weeks. I havent even officially moved in! Since the son moved in, she now has a 2nd refrigerator for his beer! We are in south Florida, last night, she was chilly, so she turned on the furnance! And they turn the lights on all day long & the TV ‘s are on 24/7.

    I can see this is going to be very difficult & can picture her saying “if ya dont like it, move!”
    Of course, things are more realistic becaase a very good job is in my hands. I really wanted to be roommates for a few months until I got to know they area before I went out on my own & yes, I was open & honest about that with her!

    Does anyone have any insight how to resolves some or any of these issues before it would affect our friendship (besides-dont do it)?


  42. February 06, 2008 at 10:34 am, Guest said:

    I have a bad habit of spilling things out bluntly when I want to talk about a problem so I try to handle problems myself to avoid that. But, recently I’ve discovered that my roommate has been taking MY birth control pills because she doesn’t have medical insurance nor the money to buy them without insurance.
    Any suggestions on how to approach her on that without blowing up in her face?
    I’m pretty pissed right now since the subscription has a time delay, you can’t order them too early after another. And I know she took them because they’re on her desk with MY name on it! I’m about ready to just barge in there while she’s on her computer and snatch them just to show her, “Hey, I know you stole those from me!”.
    Great, now I’m going to have to hide them from her so she won’t be tempted!


    • November 07, 2016 at 5:01 am, Nicole said:

      Look her dead in the eye & say- How dare you!! What kind of person does that?? You want me to toss any used condoms so you can wash them out- save money? That can be your birth control bitch! – then walk off- easy;)>


  43. February 12, 2008 at 10:15 am, Guest said:

    Your daughter should have created a sublet agreement between her and the orinigal roomie. The agreement should have a clause indicating the length of time she can have guests.

    However, because the orginal roomie does not have a lease, your daughter is not obligated to keep her in the household. Likewise, the person who did not sign the lease can move out whenever she wanted and leave your daughter high and dry.


  44. February 14, 2008 at 10:41 am, Guest said:

    But the problem is a person like this will take advantage of you… like a leach they drink your resources getting stronger to the point the relationship is strained. They get used to you being nice and when you try to help them stand on there two feet when you KNOW they are able to you become the bad person for trying to make them into an adult ..”you are a bad host for cutting of that blood”


  45. February 14, 2008 at 10:59 am, Guest said:

    If you didn’t get a police report then you are stuck. When you get assualted by Anyone.. have the police get it on file. With a properly documented charge most landlords will allow you to break the lease w/ copy of the police report because of liability and safty.


  46. February 14, 2008 at 11:05 am, Guest said:

    You can try they are awesome for entry level/teen jobs if you are more experienced then monster and career builder are you best bets. What most people don’t understand is that it can take months to land a good Job… A) market B) Companies need time to go over your resume and qualify you for an interview. Now if you just don’t want to live there …be honest and move out ….mooching will destroy and future chance of help.


  47. February 21, 2008 at 12:59 am, Guest said:

    Well first of all, what she is doing is illegal in 2 ways: she’s stealing and she is taking medication not prescribed to her. This is something that you can’t take lying down. You need to just be like “Look, these are mine, I paid for them. As my roommate and friend you need to respect my property.” Maybe offer to help her look for other solutions to this issue (i.e. other forms of birth control or other forms of contraceptives). Be firm, but not HARSH.


    • November 07, 2016 at 5:06 am, Nicole said:

      She needs to be HARSH! It is illegal for prescription medicine to be taken by others it's not prescribed for by a doctor- this girl who took them is an idiot! It's like someone using your toothbrush- it's just plain wrong!>


  48. February 22, 2008 at 4:38 am, Guest said:

    Ok, so i let a cousin from my brothers marriage move in with my kid and i for a few months…i know everyone has things they get pissed off at from time to time. Its been two months now exactly…things seem sort of tense, and im not one to be socially open every minute, so i dont sit down and talk everyday….dont want to be burned out…. Anyways, ive been feeling tense about letting him stay though hes been an alright friend…(before he moved in)he has had a sort of as$holish attitude towards me about the way i am basically….but i stick thru the shit and still call him a friend. I felt bad for him and knew he needed a place to go and try to get on his feet….hes always saying how hes outta this town la la la…. but lately this tense feeling has got me twisted up. I am starting to feel like i shouldnt trust him in the house…You know the thoughts( are they going through private stuff, mail, personal information…or just being snoopy seeing what valuables you may have.) Personally, i hardly trust anyone so it has been hard, but i deal. ANYWAYS, i came to the conclusion, since the hotwater tank went out last weekend, that he was pissed off cause the landlord hadnt came out to fix it and just got the feeling he wasnt to happy, nor was I. Well I took a recording of some audio that day just to see if my feeling were true about the whole situation. Come to find out after 8 hours of recording, Alot of trash talking to himself……”bastard”…..and some things I couldnt make out.. but what really got me is what was said minutes after i left the house this morning……Trash talking with this statement “nasty ——- piece of shit, put some cologne on your balls and go, you rotten –ing nasty –ing hobo” I had to run out the door to do some things and remember we HAVE NO HOT WATER…—- a cold ass shower in 20F weather dude. So now here i am wondering where I should take this…..bring it up…or let it slide, and continue to see what the next day brings. I can record a whole day, uses barely a 1GB of mem..and ive got plenty of space….but I know for sure, im about to blow my lid if I dont get some insight…..ANYONE????????????


  49. February 26, 2008 at 2:56 pm, Guest said:

    make arrangements to have em move out, sounds like he’s either got a problem handling the roomate thing, or has some personal infedelities towards you.He is probably jealous of what you do or that you can maintain your status of being self-sufficient.


  50. February 28, 2008 at 11:23 pm, Guest said:

    I have a real problem…

    I met this lady shortly after moving to a new place. We started seeing eachother and then her housing fell through. I told her she could stay for a few weeks, but its been 10 months and I still can’t get her to leave and find her own place, or a job or anything so she could afford a decent place around here. I’m not supporting her but I do spend more because she is here. She has some serious problems and a nasty scary temper (even worse if she has a drink) in which she starts screaming the most obnoxious stuff she can. Her family says she has a history of this and they can’t get her to go to a doctor. I feel like I have Stockholm syndrome from trying to appease her, keep her from going off and screaming or worse.

    It is pretty hard to break up with someone and stay broken up when they don’t have anywhere to go and won’t leave. When you break up that person is still there and you have to find a way to live with them.

    My landlord says its on me to deal with the situation. If I go through a legal proceeding, I’m afraid she will either find some way of causing me serious trouble, or commit a violent act or….

    I can’t handle her temper and her bouts of mental illness. I just want to live by myself. I’m never going to invite someone into my house to stay for a few days again.

    Maybe I’m whining, but I’m scared and I don’t know how to get out of this.

    Any suggestions would be helpful. I don’t want to leave my house, but I’m considering just ceasing to pay rent, putting all my stuff in storage and sleeping in my new car, taking showers at work. I don’t know what to do. Don’t ever take in anyone you haven’t dated or been friends with for at least a year, and even then be careful.


  51. March 17, 2008 at 11:57 am, Guest said:

    I would first consult legal counsel.
    And I thought that I had problems with my roommate issue.
    You can always use reverse psychology, on this person and make them not want to live with you. Or you can pray about it(the quickest solution)


  52. March 19, 2008 at 10:18 am, Guest said:

    In situations like this, the hammer’s gotta come down. Don’t think I mean murdering your roommates, LOL. But seriously, if you two originally made a verbal agreement, then you both should stick to it, and if the other doesn’t, then you have reason to complain. As far as the friendship, a real friend would be considerate, and a real friendship could survive a confrontation, wherein you express how you have been done wrong. Confrontation in matters like this is necessary, but just keep your cool if you get a defensive reaction…in my experience people seem way too defensive when they’re told they’ve done something wrong/disrespectful, instead of owning up to their mistakes.

    Also, you can always just haul ass without paying a dime, since you paid with your having to put up with such disrespect. Find another place to live if you have to. lol. I’m (halfway) joking on that one…


  53. April 04, 2008 at 11:23 am, Guest said:

    I am 25, and I live with a 52 year old woman. My roommate has changed her attitude towards me and its been growing steadily worse for four months. First she started throwing temper tantrums when I have my friends over for dinner. I like to invite friends over (usually one or two people, but sometimes a big party) and have nice, casual dinners with them. My friends are all gainfully employed, home-owners who are married and some of them have kids. After the first temper tantrum, in which my 52 year old roommate slammed a bunch of doors and threw a childish tantrum in the middle of our dinner, I asked her why she was acting like that. She immediately started telling lies. She said “your friend let herself into the house while you weren’t home” but when I questioned her further about it, she said my friend actually rang the door bell and that my roommate let her in. She went on to criticize a few other people, then she said that my riff-raff friends need to stay out of our house. This was in January.

    Fast forward to April. Things have gotten so weird between us and I keep asking her if there is a problem. She says always says no. But now I’m so uncomfortable with having friends over that I actually ask her for permission! If she says yes, then I guess its ok, but she’s still thrown temper tantrums afterward. Then the other night my boyfriend and I decided to stay outside in the car and talk. We weren’t being loud at all, we were very quiet. Over the course of the next two hours, I saw her bedroom light go on and off repeatedly and even saw her face in the window looking at us. Then, after two hours, the cops showed up. As soon as they realized that I live here, Janine came outside and started yelling at me. Calling me inconsiderate, and asking what the hell I thought I was doing in outside anyways.

    Since then its been two days. I have tried to get her talk to me about it so we can find a solution, but she just told me to “get over it, I am.”

    I don’t want to move because the rents cheap and I have a large dog. But I don’t think I want to deal with the old lady any more. God! I have good friends her age, and she calls them all riff raff! I wonder if it isn’t just “the change.”


  54. April 21, 2008 at 5:16 am, Guest said:

    Try to sublease your room out to someone ASAP. You are in no condition to be taking any kind of stress like this, take care of your health before anything else. I’ve dealt with a roommate who allowed her jobless and messy boyfriend to move in our 4 bed/2bath apartment, knowing that I did not approve of it. They were basically bed-buddys who used each other for sex. I guess it only became a problem when the whole apartment had to hear their obnoxious noises. Such a douchebag, I can’t believe I allowed her to move in.


  55. May 01, 2008 at 7:30 pm, Guest said:

    Sounds like it’s time for you to sit them both down, together, and ask – “If you (guy friend) didn’t say these things about me, why did you (girl) tell me he did?” then let them hash it out between them.
    Whoever’s lying will trip themselves up, and whoever’s lying can then be politely and reasonably asked to be gone by the time 30 days has passed.


  56. May 05, 2008 at 12:03 pm, Guest said:

    Hi. I’m a man in my mid twenties. I just moved in with a female roommate the same age. I just moved in town and don’t know to many people here. Its a two bedroom two bathroom apartment. She’s good looking and very popular. She has a lot of male friends. They like to come over a lot. It bugs me a little, because i don’t know or trust them, and am not sure if i should be concerned. She seems very open (If you know what i mean) but i could be wrong. I have a pretty good head on my shoulders, live a healthy lifestyle, and really like the apartment. I need advise. Anybody out there in a similar situation?


  57. May 10, 2008 at 12:04 am, Guest said:

    I live with two other girls (NEVER live in a group of 3, it cannot work) and over the course of the year, they have been systematically excluding me from the previously-mutual friendship. They’ve had brunches and “invited” me as an afterthought. I found out that they’re moving in together and that they are going to let two complete strangers move in on me as sublettors before then (which our landlord has okayed not knowing the situation.) We’re three months away from our end date and they move out in a week. They have sold furniture that we bought collectively and refuse to even own up to the fact that they’re moving out, let alone give me my share of the furniture money. They ignore me entirely, saying only that I drifted and that they didn’t do anything wrong (which I know is their anger that I’m dating someone in another state and occasionally spend the weekend away). When I finally tried to discuss the logistics of moving since we really can’t ignore the situation, one of them had the audacity to take it personally that I was calling them out and now literally will not speak to me. To make matters worse, I can’t find a cheap enough place to move but feel that I shouldn’t have to since we all signed the lease equally. HELP!!!


    • November 07, 2016 at 5:23 am, Nicole said:

      Call the landlord- explain situation- ask that you have opportunity to find people you think would be a good fit- write off the furniture & thosegirls- they are emotionally useless.>


  58. May 10, 2008 at 2:37 pm, Guest said:

    I’m in a real jam. My current roommate was a friend of mine in college. She has gotten increasingly more depressed over the past couple of years and has refused professional health for at least a year. She has escalated from a nice girl who seemed a little lonely in college, to a roommate now who throws tantrums without reason, yells, cries, slams doors, throws things, smashes the furniture. she is cruel to my guests, and acts like i have no rights to my own home. i am the sole leaseholder, she moved in at the same time i did in september, and her sublease runs out in a month. an eviction proceeding in NYC will take at least two months. i have seen her behavior pattern, to a tee, with a couple of people who both ended up becoming very aggressive towards me and others and attempted suicide (thank god unsuccessfully). what do i do? do i have any rights? can i demand she receive medical attention even though she has not physically assaulted me or physically hurt herself? i am afraid to be in my home with her alone, as it’s quite unpredictable when and to what extent she will lash out. yet she lashes out even more if i bring a friend or my boyfriend home with me, as she is quite territorial and possessive of me. i know she has a history of depression, but don’t know how severe if it was severe at all. what do i do? her parents are stubborn and not helpful, they refuse to believe that she would act in these ways. i am not provoking her, i have empathized with her, coaxed her to get help, talked her through sobbing, and been nice to her even when she’s been aweful. one month ago i finally couldn’t take it anymore and after long debates between myself and her family, and finally having to threaten an eviction proceeding (she has been evicted before, too), she finally agreed to sign a statement that she will leave no later than June 15. but things have gotten even worse since then. i cannot handle seeing another loved one go nuts and either hold me hostage in my home or hurt herself. any advice? do i have any rights or do i need to leave my own home for the time being because of this? my friends and family are concerned for my safety and well-being, and i worry about what is happening to my roommate…


    • November 07, 2016 at 5:28 am, Nicole said:

      Do not leave the house!!! She can take over & say you left- best thing is NOT tone nice- do basic intimidating things to her- slam dishes as you put away- don't answer any of her questions- keep referring to date she is leaving- basically ignore her tanties- call the police if she is loud & aggressive.>


  59. May 10, 2008 at 2:39 pm, Guest said:

    I really need help. My current roommate was a friend of mine in college. She has gotten increasingly more depressed over the past couple of years and has refused professional health for at least a year. She has escalated from a nice girl who seemed a little lonely in college, to a roommate now who throws tantrums without reason, yells, cries, slams doors, throws things, smashes the furniture. she is cruel to my guests, and acts like i have no rights to my own home. i am the sole leaseholder, she moved in at the same time i did in september, and her sublease runs out in a month. an eviction proceeding in NYC will take at least two months. i have seen her behavior pattern, to a tee, with a couple of people who both ended up becoming very aggressive towards me and others and attempted suicide (thank god unsuccessfully). what do i do? do i have any rights? can i demand she receive medical attention even though she has not physically assaulted me or physically hurt herself? i am afraid to be in my home with her alone, as it’s quite unpredictable when and to what extent she will lash out. yet she lashes out even more if i bring a friend or my boyfriend home with me, as she is quite territorial and possessive of me. i know she has a history of depression, but don’t know how severe if it was severe at all. what do i do? her parents are stubborn and not helpful, they refuse to believe that she would act in these ways. i am not provoking her, i have empathized with her, coaxed her to get help, talked her through sobbing, and been nice to her even when she’s been aweful. one month ago i finally couldn’t take it anymore and after long debates between myself and her family, and finally having to threaten an eviction proceeding (she has been evicted before, too), she finally agreed to sign a statement that she will leave no later than June 15. but things have gotten even worse since then. i cannot handle seeing another loved one go nuts and either hold me hostage in my home or hurt herself. any advice? do i have any rights or do i need to leave my own home for the time being because of this? my friends and family are concerned for my safety and well-being, and i worry about what is happening to my roommate…


  60. May 15, 2008 at 1:01 am, Guest said:

    I’ve been in some interesting situations before too, all I can tell you is that it’s very difficult to change people through talk alone. Action combined with talk is always the best response, and I would recommend looking for a new place now and planning your escape from the situation. Right now, you’re probably stressing and hoping to resolve the situation through negotiation with Janine, but she’s not willing to sit down and clear the air. This sounds like its about dominance, and believe me, before a situation develops into a physical confrontation or another tantrum involving the police, I would plan your exit. If Janine owns the house, this places her in a power-position vis-a-vis you, and your options are narrowed even further. Her calling the police after chatting with a friend in a car, is a red flag. Things tend to escalate as time passes, and as difficult as it may be, you need to look around now for a place to live that is more secure. I’ve learned that where you live is VERY important, as it really is your sanctuary from the world. If it isn’t a safe sanctuary, and you are delaying going home after school/work, and on edge about a room-mates behaviour, you need to find somewhere new to live. Start looking online for something better, rather than talking about the situation, action is always the best response!


  61. May 24, 2008 at 3:42 pm, Guest said:

    I have a roommate that gets out of the shower and drips on a bathmat and plastic over the rug. She keeps the door closed most of the time and the bathroom doesn’t air out. I have talked to the handyman and the carpet man and they feel the bathmat and plastic, and perhaps the rug is getting wet too, should have a chance to get air and dry out. She continues to get the bath mat wet and leave it there to air dry, but of course there is no venilation because the door is closed. She gets angry when confronted. She keeps her door closed too and hangs wet clothes in her closet. The whole thing smells damp and this is my home.


  62. June 14, 2008 at 6:36 pm, Guest said:

    My Roommate doesn’t talk to me i someone who has to have coversations with people. when we are in the same room i feel the weird silence. Everytime my roommate does talk to be i feel belittled by the roommate.I try and have conversations with the roommate even if it is about the WEATHER! and now im feeling like the roommate is trying to get rid of me i am able to pay my bills and i have the electric in my name. I am unsure about having a job in a few months but i have enough money to last another six months yet the roommate acts like i am poor and will not have any money. I feel like the roommate is trying to get rid of me to have a friend move in the apt.

    here is the fun part i clean the apt, i take out the trash the roommate doesn’t tell me when the company is coming till like 2 or 3 days in advance and only if i ask so i never really know who is coming to OUR apt not just the roommate’s apt. I also feel like the roommate has no respect for me other than someone to pay the rent! I live here too!

    I feel like i am being used i try so hard to do something with the roommate to try and get rid of the weirdness. but since we moved in together all the kindness has disappear to weird silence.


  63. June 18, 2008 at 10:11 pm, Guest said:


    I need advice. Its not a major issue. 5 moths back I sublet another bedroom of the apt where I was staying to a girl. Before she signed the sublease papers, I told her certain conditions and she said she would be respecting them. One of them was not to let guy friends sleep overnight. Over the past 3 days,she has been allowing her two guy friends who have their own apt 5 min away from our apt to sleep in her room overnight.This is not accepted in my culture and in future can ruin my reputation and image as people would say that guys stay in apt where i stay. I have been engaged to be married and if such rumors reach my future in-laws, it might cause trouble.I wrote an email to her telling her not to repeat it.She replied that this conditions is causing a rift between her friends. What to do?


  64. July 17, 2008 at 2:12 am, Guest said:

    I don’t know what I should do…

    – I really don’t want to make this into a big deal –

    My roommate is staying in another state over the summer, and it was my job to find and secure a place for us to live before school starts again. I will be working and paying for my share by myself and she will have her rent covered by her parents. I figured (along with my mother’s input) that i could take the bigger room with the private bathroom since i found the place and had to do all the work. Also, I will be supplying most of the furniture. She has voiced that she wishes she could be more involved, but she obviously cannot because of the distance. I said that I would pay extra each month for my room since it’s bigger, but I don’t think that I should have to since I had to do everything so she wouldn’t have to worry about it. Also, she will have her own bathroom (with a bathtub), which is bigger than mine and I will be so busy with work and school that I doubt I’ll have time to have company.

    Do you think that I should have to pay extra for the bigger room? Even though I am supplying mostly everything (so she doesn’t have to pay) and taking care of all the paper work.


  65. July 19, 2008 at 3:22 pm, Guest said:

    You know, friends will be accomodating and have your best interests at heart. She’s obviously scared to state the situation with them, or either they’re not willing to make it an issue. Why can’t she sleep over at their place? I’d explain the situation to her, about your rep as a bride-to-be, in person. It’s no excuse for her to blame her inappropriate behavior on her friends’ maybe rifts. But this may also cause you to gain a not-so-pure image from your in-laws. Counter her concern with your concern (which, to me, is more pressing). And tell her politely that she agreed to those terms, and if she’s not willing to comply with them, she can start looking for a place where those conditions are okay.
    Good luck!


  66. July 20, 2008 at 4:11 am, Guest said:

    Unfortunately, you did say you would pay for the bigger room. I agree that the perk would be rightfully yours, since you did all the work and have most of the furnishings, but your roomie might take you at your word. Have a talk with her. Tell her you’ve been thinking about the fairness of this, and explain your reasons. She might agree. If not, you might be able to lower the extra amount you’re paying. If nothing else, at least you won’t be stewing for months and suddenly blow up at her for something else. (By the way, the fact that she gets her room paid for and you work for it should not affect any agreements between you. It’s just how things are.)


  67. July 20, 2008 at 4:15 am, Guest said:

    Let her know about Planned Parenthood. They can give free birth control.


  68. July 20, 2008 at 4:26 am, Guest said:

    Been there. You HAVE to talk to her face to face. It would be best if you could all have an apartment meeting. If that’s too cheesy for you or you can’t get buy-in from the others, you’ll have to do it alone or with your other clean roomie. Plan out what you’re going to say. Practice it until you can say it without anger or frustration. Be gentle. Some people were not properly taught how to live with others. Tell her how you feel, your reasons for feeling that way (without blaming her), and what you hope she can agree to do from now on. Be open to hearing her reasons why she can’t do this or that. Most of the time, you can help solve those little problems so she doesn’t have an excuse. Be firm, but be gentle. She’ll be upset, and your heart will be pounding out of your chest, but it will clear the air and smooth the path for further conversations if she doesn’t change. If she truly doesn’t want to change, she’ll eventually move out to get away from expectations she feels are too high for her. I had 34 roommates in my apartment years, so I know you can do this. Good luck!


  69. July 21, 2008 at 4:16 pm, Guest said:

    Suggestions anyone????
    I am 25 and moved in with a friend that I had met through a previous job after college. We have been friends for nearly 3 years now. I needed a roommate and her roommate got engaged and was getting married so we decied to move in together. I let her know before I moved in that I am typically very busy and am not home much. I visit my parents and have a boyfriend that I usually stay with on the weekends. I thought she would enjoy having the place to herself. We also split everything 50/50. We are both very tidy and have no problems in that department. I thought we would get along just fine…until she made some new friends at work. One morning at nearly 5am she brought home a group of friends totally drunk and very loud. hey were all aware that I was home that evening. I tried to ignore it but I had to work the next day so I went into our common area and asked them if they minded being a little more quiet so that I could sleep. Our apartment is only two bedrooms with a common area so I can hear everything. Upon being asked to quiet down one of the friends cussed me out and then they both started yelling at my boyfriend who had done nothing. They also proceeded to call other people to invite over and started talking really badly about me. They told me I was rude to even think of asking them to be quiet and that I should just deal with it. I hardly knew the people my roommate had brought over. I couldn’t believe it. The next day my roommate sort of apologized but she really tried to act like it was my fault. I told her that I didn’t want to see her “friend” that had cussed me out again and that if she was coming over to let me know so that I could go elsewhere. Am I out of line? I tried to to talk to her about it and it helped for a while but everything is awkward and tense. I explained to her that I don’t mind her having company but just not at 5am. She hates my boyfriend for no reason and makes negative remarks about my friends that she has never even met. She will call them losers for no reason. I have no idea how to handle her behavior. She is rude and totally thoughtless. We have had neighbors complain and her reasoning is that if someone wants peace and quiet they should buy a house and not rent an apartment… She always tells me stories about how her friends get kicked out of places and how she thinks it is funny to be a bitch to people… I typically say nothing but I really don’t know how to handle this any more. I hate to lose a friend but I am completely uncomfortable in my own home. She will be hateful to me for no reason. My lease with her is up in 3 months but I am even worried to tell her I am moving becuase I’m sure she will try to make our time living together hell. Any suggestions??


  70. July 23, 2008 at 11:19 am, Guest said:

    you just have to realize that not everyone is ment to be your friend. You are roommates first. If you are able to be friends with your roommate then that’s an added bonus. I do agree that she should tell you when friends are coming in advance – that’s pretty rude. You should talk to her about it and emphasize the importance of you knowing who will be in your shared apartment. My advice would be to have your plans together just in case this situation doesn’t work out. And in the future, if you need that social connection – it may be best to room with a friend.


  71. July 30, 2008 at 3:40 am, Guest said:

    It’s your friend’s fault for acting the way she did. It’s also her fault for bringing in these so-called friends of hers over. She is a cause for trouble and ppl do break out when they look good for so long as you knew them to be good. I had roommates who look “good” for months or weeks, then they suddenly change overnight and become a different person. She may be your friend but since you room with her, you might have to lose her friendship. Do you want to continue to feel blamed and bitched at for no apparent reason? It’s emotional and mental abuse. You should not be put down for telling them to be quiet. She is sucking up so she doesn’t lose these mofos. She wants to fit in. One option, sit down with her now before three months is up, and have another chat with her. Don’t forgive her, just tell her not to bring those creeps over again AND talk of your friendship to her, what she means to you, to her, etc. Second option, give her no chance when talking and tell her when the lease is up in a few months, that you don’t want her as a roommate again. Decide what your options are, and go from there. IMO, I would not room with her again!


  72. August 01, 2008 at 1:14 pm, Guest said:

    My roommate refuse to pay rent and don’t want to move out


    My friend help me wrote contract and 30 day notice
    She sagest me that I have to sine with roommates rent contract and take the payment only I’m money orders or cashiers checks.
    She told me that this is only way to legally protect my rights
    Now I feel that if I take money in cash and didn’t sine contract with DEMETRI I wouldn’t have that problem.
    I am listing apartment In Los Angles California .The apartment complex UNDER THE RENT CONTROL, BUT I know that I don’t HAVE to put roommates on the list as long as it is roommates for couple month.
    I decide to take the roommate DEMERI K his move in date was on _06___/ _29___/_2008___.
    DEMERI mother cry and bagging me to take him and promise to pay rent for him.
    DMITRI family said that he in difficult financial situation .DMITRI mother and father send him money he paid me and we sine contract on _07___/ _06___/_2008___.
    I receive rent for JULY Rent $600 ( money order)
    Deposit $800 (money order)
    DEMIRTI not on the list!!
    Demeri have to move out from privies place in 3 days and didn’t have plays to stay.
    Latter I spoke with previous roommate who told me tat Demiri is emotionally unstable and he had ABUSE HIM AND HIS PROPERTY AND bother his neighbors
    NOW It is turn to be my life!!
    He Bring people over ,drink alcohol ( he is 20 years old) I am assume that is under age drinking in state of California
    Last Friday situation get worse
    Demetri said that he can’t get the mail from his agency they suppose to send him pay check
    Pay check suppose to come to my mail box
    It beginning of July he got 2 mails from agency and I think he just playing games and trying to see with how much he can get away with.
    He ask me key from my mail box i refuse to give him key because i cant change the lock on my Box if any my roommate move out. I told DMITRI that we don’t have agreement for using my MAIL BOX and he can rent one in post office $30 for 6 month if he is unhappy.
    I told him that we have an agreement ( please read the contract)
    *********I also understand if I fail to pay my rent by the first of each month my ******deposit will be used for the purpose of paying my rent and I have to ******move out on next day.
    DEMETRI start to abuse me verbally call me names and told me that if i ask him to leave he will Sue me. He threat me that he can physically hurt me that he knew where I work and going to school that any accident cant happen to me.
    I told him that he not on the list and he can’t make me to leave!!
    He told me if I ask him to leave and call the police he will tell them that i am crazy and he is my son that they take me to the JAIL and he will rent my place. Then he said that he will sued hell out of me that I will be homeless( All thing he told me doesn’t make any seance but really make me scared for my life. That is nonsense I am 26 years old and he is 20 he can’t be my son . He not on the list he can’t kick me out)
    He don’t want to except 30 days notice.
    He get faired from his job he sitting at home, party, drink and smoking marijuana.
    He went to the my neighbors ,he show them my contract with him, he ask them to sine the petition to kick me out of my apartment and advice to the landlord to sine DMITRI us the new tenant.
    He call his mother and told her that I am move out form apartment and she can
    come from NJ to live with him.
    Also he asking his mother pay rent for August.
    I am so come fuse and scared for my life. I don’t wont to live in fair.
    That is really difficult situation for me
    I don’t want all that drama
    What is my options ?
    Can I invite the moving agency and ask them to put away his STAFF to the storage that he can pick them up?Do I have to have a prove of abuse and treat ?Which prove do I have to have?
    Give him 30 day notice?
    Give him 3 day notice?
    Change the locks?
    Call police and ask them to get his staff out?
    Apply for restraining order ?
    Could you sagest me any make any changes in contract?
    Can landlord ask me to live because all that drama?( legally DMITRI lives i apartment only for 30 days)
    The apartment complex UNDER THE RENT CONTROL, BUT i believe I don’t HAVE to put roommates on the list as long as it is roommates for couple months?
    I ________DEMETRI K________________hereby understand and agree to pay rent on a month to month basis on the first of each month in the amount of $___600______ to OLGA SEMAKOVA in the form of cash, money order or cashiers check for the reason of renting the living room space located at FULL ADDRESS LAOS ANGLES CALIFORNIA
    I also agree to pay half of the utilities excluding the electric /power bill each month.
    I understand there is a deposit in the amount of $___800______ to be paid in full prior to my move in.
    I also understand if I fail to pay my rent by the first of each month my deposit will be used for the purpose of paying my rent and I have to move out on next day. My deposit may also be retained if I decide to vacate the apartment space I am renting and fail to give thirty days notice or damage the apartment or in any way excluding normal wear and tear.
    My first rent payment and move in day begins on _06___/ _29___/_2008___. Since I will be moving in mid month I fully understand my rent for the month will be prorated accordingly.
    The rental term is on a month to month basis with an initial agreement of THREE months to start and will be effective _06___/ _29___/_2008___. and will be required to be renewed on _9___/ _29___/_2008___. I also understand that in order to get my deposit back I will rent , follow the contract, and pay on time with an initial agreement of three months.
    I have been advised and fully understand that Argue, Verbal Abuse, Physical Abuse,Sexual Abuse, Drug Abuse, Criminal Activities, or Harassment against any residents of Fairfax Apartment or OLGA SAMOVAR are not acceptable and if I fail to keep the apartment space safe I will have 30 mints to put my belongings together and leave. In this case my deposit will be not refundable and will be used for the purpose of paying all damages which may occur during my violent behavior.
    I have been advised and fully understand the apartment space I am renting may not be used for the purpose of operating a business, and private parties. It is understood that is just two of us will be live in the apartment and for a purpose of safety I will not bring any visitors to the apartment or apartment complex. I also understand that keys and code from apartment can’t be given to anyone. It is understood this will be a safe and drug free environment.
    Full Name (print only)
    X____________________________ ____________ ______________________
    Signature of renter Date
    OLGA SEMAKOVA(print only)
    X_________________________________________ ________________________
    Signature of OLGA SEMAKOVA Date
    According to the rental agreement from___/___/___
    I ________________________ would like to give a thirty days notice which will become effective on___/___/___ and will lapse on ___/____/___.
    I____________________________ also agree and understand I am required to pay the following month’s rent or OLGA SEMAKOVA will be allowed to retain my deposit in the amount of $_________ in accordance to my rental contract signed on ____/____/_____.
    I_____________________________ also agree that ______________________________ can show the apartment to the potential rentals at any time.
    Due to the privies months of rent when I refuse(fail) to clean the living place and organize my staff and kept apartment in unliving and dirty condition. I hereby understand there is a deposit in the amount of $_________ will be charged to pay to the ___________________________ and I have to live on ___/___/___ if I continue to refuse (fail) have a same lifestyle and __________________________would not be able to find roommate and show the living condition to the people who want to rent the apartment.
    I also understand that the floor, bad, and tables in the living room, kitchen, and restroom have to be completely clean, need and organize at all the time.Any close food and cosmetic have to be in storage’s.
    I also understand that most rentals want to move in (start rent) in in the fist of the month and I give ___________________________, ____________days notice which is less then thirty days notice according to the rental agreement from___/___/___.I agree that for that inconvenience she can keep rent for _____________days.
    Full Name (print only)
    X____________________________ ____________ ______________________
    Signature of renter Date
    OLGA SEMAKOVA(print only)
    X_________________________________________ ________________________
    Signature of OLGA SEMAKOVA Date

    House rules agreement/ household duties and restrictions
    I ________DEMERI K________________hereby understand and agree that we with OLGA SEMAKOVA will follow the next agreement that will help us to make the friendly, comfortable and safe living environment for both of us.
    Please don’t put anything close to the heater
    Please when you are leaving the apartment make sure to unplug all electrical things turn of lights , turn of gas ,gas hitter,water,close the door
    Please if you don’t use unplug all electrical things,turn computer,TV,Radio, turn of lights and gas ,gas hitter, water, close the door and Windows
    Please no smocking or candles or burning intents inside the apartment.
    Please keep main door locked all the time
    Please don’t leave any any hair and erasers or sharp objects in the bathroom
    Please don’t open the entrance door if somebody knocking we we both have a key and we can call each other if something happen
    Please no exercise such a running and jumping The bilding is old it is bother neighbors
    Please no music instruments, singing, screaming on the phone or lowed noise.
    Please clean kitchen and bathroom after yourself and wash the dishes immediately we don’t want to have cockroaches or incense
    Please don’t leave the trash out site the apartment
    Please throw away trash every 2 days
    Please pay rent on time
    Please make a time once in week to set the day when we together can complete cleaning of apartment
    Please no drama no arguments, no screaming, and conflict situations no borrowing things or money.
    Please no Nude( try to manage to keep par of shorts or pants and Ti-short)
    Please no walking in shoes
    Please strictly platonic relationship and respect
    Full Name (print only)
    X____________________________ ____________ ______________________
    Signature of renter Date
    OLGA SEMAKOVA(print only)
    X_________________________________________ ________________________
    Signature of OLGA SEMAKOVA Date
    P.S.I am apologize inadvance that my letter is very long and
    you may have any difficulties to read it because English is my second laungvage I am really need your advice and opinion and I hope you will undescended it.
    I am originally Polish my English is not that best my dear American friend help me wrote contract and 30 day notice


  73. September 05, 2008 at 1:46 pm, Guest said:

    well i identify ok seriously my roommate he does all these things piss shits on things rude to people dont clean up after himself and dont help out around house wiped his ass after taken a shit on my bath towel and cause of assuming and overreacting he lied told cops I stole his check and money when i didnt one of my friends talked to him yesterday my roommate said and claimed hes sorry but I dont accept his apology he dont take his meds and follow mental health treatment and takes fits slams doors and upsetting others in the building.all email me and im on [email protected] plz my name is sherri


  74. September 07, 2008 at 12:45 am, Guest said:




  75. September 16, 2008 at 3:15 pm, Guest said:

    are you crazy? This person is not responsible for this “freeloader”!

    That’s what’s wrong with people today. No one wants to take responsibility for themselves and are always looking for a hand out!

    It’s one thing to help someone out, it’s another thing to support them!


  76. September 29, 2008 at 12:11 am, Guest said:

    If your roommate is not on the lease, he has absolutely no legal right to be there except on the contract between the two of you, which he has breached by not paying (and, it seems, from violating its terms). If you ask him to leave, he must do so. If he does not, you are well within your rights to call the police to remove him, as he is at that point trespassing in your apartment. You would generally be required to make reasonable accommodations for him to get any property he has there, but it would be his responsibility to make the arrangements to move it.

    If he has threatened you physically, you probably also do have grounds for a restraining order. (Threats to sue and the like would not be grounds for such, but threats of violence or harm are). You could also talk to your local police department about having an officer present while he removes his things from the apartment, that should help in preventing a potentially dangerous situation.

    As to suing you, he would get laughed out of court. If anything, damages would be awarded to you for his failure to pay rent as required. As to claiming to be your son, even if he were, a parent can legally kick out a son or daughter who is an adult, so even if he really were your son it would not matter given that he is 20. That aside, it would be a simple matter for the police to look at the 6-year difference in your ages and conclude that he is not, at which time he will be cited or arrested for making a false police report.


  77. October 16, 2008 at 5:43 am, Guest said:

    I have a huge problem with my roommate! She was my friend more then a year. I moved in to live with her and her sister for 2 month , since we needed to find a place to live. I pay for 1/3 of a rent, and we shared a room together! She was so nice a quite. We have moved in into 2 brm, 1 bath no living room ( thank GOD) place. very cute.since then her behavior change so much. I feel like she got the freedom that she wanted. Her friends are always at our place, it feels like a walk in closet! I work night and I work alot, so when I’m home durign day – i sleep, but i cant get much rest, with ppl coming and going, since i live on first floor i can hear them walking on 2nd floor! They beign very lound and disrespectful! WE sat down and I told her about this issues! Since them we havent been hanging out at all, barelly talk, and her friends havent stop comign to OUR place! its gettign to a point were I’m ready to move out. I really like this place I dunt want to!She also is uses A/c alot and I have allergy on that, she runs it so High and I dunt think I can pay that much to electic, since I am never home, I dunt think its fair i should pay 50%.
    What happen to our friendship? I dunt know!She has change so much and blamign everyhtign on me! We cant even talk normal as she starts talking – she just screams at me! I am very tired of tryign to get it to work, but I have no idea what to do! We used to be a very good friends!


  78. October 22, 2008 at 9:36 am, Guest said:

    Your poor grammar and spelling are a larger problem for you than a deadbeat roommate. You should seriously consider English night classes at a tech. or community college. They will probably cost about $500 per semester. Its a small price for a basic skill and it is necessary in order for people to take you seriously. The document in the post would never be legally binding, since it is unreadable. Sorry I can’t articulate this in a more sensitive way.


  79. November 19, 2008 at 7:28 pm, Guest said:

    Wild roomate

    I own my trailer home, and Im a male. I had an unexpected roommate, a girl i barely know, and Ill call her “Karen”. I had close friend “Alisia” (currently in a strange and distance type of friendship). Alisia and Karen and their boyfriends used to live in the same house. After Karen boyfriend cheated on her, she kicked him out, and then a money situation cause problem with Alisia Boyfriend, he left her. So, both are in hot water. They asked if they can stay at my house temporary, since Alisia was my close friend, I had them stay for about 3 weeks, Alisia already had a job in another town, and she was going have a job transfer to my town. Karen and Alisia plan on getting apartment, until Alisia suddenly decided not to roommate with Karen. Alisia decided to stay with her job in her town, and decided to have her sister who is only 16 to move in with her with approval from their mom. The big problem with Karen, she receive monthly income from the government. She doesn’t make much a month, and I let her to “rent” for cheap to cover expenses on utilities, and a part of food. She used to sleep in the living room for a while, and she kept complaining that she sleeps in the living room, she a real messy person and made a mess in the living room, so I had to give up my office so she can have a room of her own. After she gotten her room, she been bringing guys from the bar, which she starting to attend everyday getting drunk and bring a guy home. She would be gone to the guys house most of the time. She will tell me about her experiences with the guys. (I’m a type of guy who attend church, and believe in chastity until marriage). Karen would spend 20 to 40 dollar a night at the bar, often she goes broke fast, and try to loan money from banks and variety of loans center. She try to have her friend to co-sign for her, which she successfully did with Alisia (I warned her about co-signing – but Alisia has enough credit and gave most amount to Karen, and now Alisia is paying the loan – without Karen signature – Alisia is stuck) and she makes a lot of bad choices, she drove over 5 hours to see her “dream” guy several time, buying him expensive gifts and foods, and now her “dream” guy don’t seems to want her. She got pregnant of the bar guy, and she went ahead with a last minute close to trimester $200 abortion (low income approved amount – and I’m against it as well). She adopted one of her friend dog “Chevy” which I liked at first (now I don’t). Karen would often leave her alone in the house and that dog starts destroying things like my futon for instance. I found out more about Karen, she owes a lot of money to many different friends from out of states. She is divorced with 2 kids who the father has the custody. she had one kid being adopted before being married. Recently she enrolled on a online course for business, and only 2 classes and she failed both of them. (I’m a college student and Im taking four classes, and doing well plus I work full time) She got a huge student loan from it, and she spend all of it within a few weeks, a few local loans, trips and gifts for her “dream” guy, abortion, laptop, booze and cigarette. She is in the dumps, and now she tries to have me to help her by an car title loan on my car (I’m too smart for this). Job is a big issue here, Karen only wanted a job from a specific factory here and it hard to get in. She would often miss her call in due to hangover, and pregnancy. I had a feeling she is not trying either, she knew if she had a job, her paycheck will be deduced a big part for child support she owes. She refused to live with her parents,nor her family due to strong religion, and plus her parents is well known people (police officer, and other a school teacher). So this is my story, what to do to get rid of her?


  80. November 22, 2008 at 9:22 pm, Guest said:

    Two of my roomates installed key locks on the guest bathroom which I use. I can’t really use the master bathroom. I’m not sure what my options are.


  81. December 01, 2008 at 6:11 pm, Guest said:

    Living with someone from China. He refuses to shower, wash his hands or clean anything. Garbage collects around where he sits. On top of that, he was infected by Hepatitis during the large epidemic in China several years back. We all have our vaccines but it is something to worry about. It was fine when he was confined to his room playing Warcraft for 20 hours a day but now he is in common areas. It’s embarassing to have guests over. When confronted with the situation he gets rather angry and refuses to change. He responds to criticism and kind requests for hygiene by wanting to use physical violence in a sort of masculine brawl. The other roomates are tolerable of his actions surprisingly though they are never around nor have exceptional hygiene either. I am seeking a room change but before I do that, any last advice?


  82. December 07, 2008 at 6:12 pm, Guest said:

    Get yourself a roomate your age!


  83. December 14, 2008 at 2:35 pm, Guest said:

    I have a solution: Use paragraphs.


  84. December 19, 2008 at 4:49 pm, Guest said:

    I live with four other girls. Four of us have decided that we are not renewing our lease with our fifth roommate this next fall, and informed her the other day. We wanted to give her as much time as possible to find a new place to live (now she has 9 months), but now living with until the lease is up is going to be unbearable (I’ve already gotten 3 “notes” with various finger pointing and name calling).

    Any suggestions for turning this hostile situation into something a little nicer? The four of use definitely have different life styles than her, and we tried telling her in the best way we could (we’re really not mean people). I think it’s kind of a hopeless situation, but I’ll take any advice I can get at this point.


  85. December 27, 2008 at 4:13 am, Guest said:

    I’m sooo angry at my roommate! He never washes his hands after going to the bathroom (opens the door forcefully while the toilet is still flushing :S )!!!

    Also – never cleans the bathroom, keeps his own room clean while messing up common areas, burns his food 50% of the time, filling the apartment with disgusting burnt egg smell (also never cleans out his food from stove burners), walks around the carpet in outdoor shoes even in the winter, stomps around and slams doors constantly.

    He is much older and hates being told what to do! (especially by a girl) If I try to even tell him about something small, he denies it and gets angry. He is such an arrogant selfish jerk but HE thinks he’s wonderful! I have to live with him for another 7 months 🙁 Does anyone have good anger management tips or other suggestions?


  86. January 01, 2009 at 7:01 pm, Guest said:

    Hey there,

    My problem is that my roomate’s computer wasn’t working anymore so i lended him mine. He took the liberty of going through my emails, facebook and googling my exes….his excuse was..”i was curious about you”. Meanwhile i am a girl and he is a male. I don’t know what to do i feel violated. Any suggestions please ?


  87. January 02, 2009 at 1:58 pm, Guest said:

    Oh my goodness, I can’t believe you let it go on that long. While her lifestyle is none of your concern, the blame rests on your shoulders as well for letting her live with you knowing almost nothing about her. Let her know that you have more responsibilities at school and work and you’ll need the office back to study and work more than ever. Tell her that you need more space and that it is not working out, give her 30 days, and not one freaken minute more, or she’ll walk all over you even MORE. At the end of 30 days, have an officer escort her off the premesis, the police have a program that allows you to call them for difficult move-out situations, use your resources.


  88. January 02, 2009 at 1:59 pm, Guest said:

    You need to lock your profile and create a guest one for him that doesn’t have a password. THen make sure you log off each and every time you log in, making him incapable of going through your stuff. Maybe the password and separate accounts will clue him in on how much you value your privacy in a subtle way.


  89. January 02, 2009 at 2:01 pm, Guest said:

    Ouch, well you could invest in some passive ways to help, such as asking if you can cook for the two of you and keeping leftovers in the fridge for him, while also buying a can of lysol for every room in the house and spraying everything he’s touched! lol, I’m not sure, its just hard for me to accept that people dont understand how freakin disgusting it is to not wash their hands.


  90. January 02, 2009 at 8:40 pm, Guest said:

    My roommate had been living in our apartment for two years before I moved in. She thinks the place belongs to her because her name is on the lease and most of the furniture is hers. Her entire family invaded the place for Christmas and now I come back to discover that her mother is going to be living with us for an indefinite amount of time. They neither consulted with me nor offered to compensate me in any way. I’m sitting down to have a talk with her but is there any advice you could offer? I’ve never heard of this situation before – boyfriends coming into the apt, yes, but overbearing mothers, no. And this roommate is a 30-year-old woman too.


  91. January 07, 2009 at 7:30 pm, Guest said:

    My roommate is a Korean exchange student who sleeps at odd hours of the day and has her boyfriend over ALL THE TIME. She and her boyfriend sleep thought odd times of the day and stay up all night or have sex when I am trying to sleep or decide to giggle and makeout at 5a.m. when I am needing to wake up in a couple hours. I only get about 3 hours of sleep each night because of their persistent disruptions. I don’t know how to confront her because she never talks to me anyway and is NEVER alone. And she also keeps rodents of some type under her bed which is not allowed in the dorm. So the few hours they are not making sleep impossible for me, her rodents are!


  92. January 08, 2009 at 1:26 am, Guest said:

    Computer’s are like toothbrushes, very personal. Libraries and Kinko’s have computer’s, uninvite your roommate to use your computer. Change all of your passwords.


  93. January 09, 2009 at 1:08 am, Guest said:

    That’s a creepy roommate!
    You can totally use this as an excuse not to lend him your computer anymore. Why be nice when he’s reading your e-mails? Best of luck… I hope everything works out well for you.


  94. January 12, 2009 at 3:55 pm, Guest said:

    I rent a house with two roommates. One male and one female. The male is LAZY and unemployeed. He manages to pay his share of the bills. But he sits around the house all day doing nothing except blogging and surfing the web. When we come home from work, he almost expects that one of us will cook dinner for him. I am fine with cooking IF during the day while he is here, he does a fair share of the chores.
    He wont even clean a bathroom, or remove clutter from the common areas of the house. HE IS LAZY! He is a close friend, and when I discuss the issue, he gets defensive and claims that he does more that his share. I ask for examples, and he has ZERO! It’s like pulling teeth to get him to turn off a light, or close the bathroom door when he is using it. Is he THAT lazy that he cant close a stupid door??? How freaking lazy can a person be? But my all time favorite is that he wont refill the toilet paper when he uses the last of it. SERIOUSLY? Are you that [email protected]#ing lazy? WTF?

    Turn the lights off when you leave a room.
    Close a bathroom door when you are using it.
    Put the f[email protected]#ing seat down when done.
    Cook a meal from time to time.
    Clean 1/3 of the house.
    Refill the TP when you finish it!
    Show that you actually respect the friends that you are living with!

    I am SO sick of his lazy defensive attitude!


    Thanks for listening,


  95. January 13, 2009 at 3:04 am, Anonymous said:

    Roommate DoesNt Wanna Pay Rent

    I am on a year lease with this roommate, things were going good for the first three months, we split the bills and half and hardly have any problems with it.

    On the fourth month,my boyfriend wanted to move in with us. My roommate was okay with it, so I assumed that the rent will still be split in half (since we only have two rooms) and the utilities (which are all under my name) will be split into three.

    Payment time comes, I gave him my computations (I have been doing the calculations since day one, btw) with the rent split to 2 and utilities in 3. My roommate did not agree with it, he said that everything should be split into three even if the other person (my BF) does not have his own room. My roommate was reasoning out that he still uses space.
    I did not like his reasoning, talked to him explaining that me and my boyfriend are sharing the room and he has his own room, so in the end he still has more space than us. But he still doesnt want it my way, and offered me to just give him a $100 off his rent, utilities split into 3. I did not think this was fair so we decided not to let my boyfriend move in with us. My roommate and I split the rent in half, but i split the utilities into three since my boyfriend stayed in our place for awhile.

    So my boyfriend moved back to his parents house and would give me a visit once in a while, since he lives far, when he stays in my apartment he will stay for a week and just go back and forth.

    After this arguement about my boyfirend moving in with us which has never happened, everything just changed. I took my computer from the living room to my bedroom so my roommate will not use it and i pay the internet on my own. My roommate still has his cable box, since that is his only way of entertainment in the apartment, and as i said all the utilities are under my name.

    Now he refuses to pay his cable bill, then he refuses to pay electricity bill, and everything else. He was stating that my BF that visits me also consumes utilities and uses the apartment as well.

    I didnt think it was fair for me to pay everything and yet my roommate still lives there, its sort of making him live for free. I asked him that if he wants he can give me his own calculations of what he thinks he has to pay, but he just said he is not paying for any of it.

    Now, we are near our eviction process. I have paid all utilities except for rent, because I think he has responsibilities with it too since his name is on the lease. I have been cooperating with the manager and told her that I am willing to pay, but I think I also need my roomates share of the rent.

    he caused me trouble, now instead of paying just the month’s rent ($1070), we have to pay for the termination fee ($1500) and the attorney for eviction ($600). Plus my good credit will be at stake, all because of him not telling me what his real reason for not wanting to pay the share of his rent.

    Please give me some advice. Our apartment manager advised me to just sue my roommate when the eviction process starts, but I have no idea on how this works. I couldn’t really talk to my roommate–every chance I could he would just ignore me. He is not cooperating with the manager as well.

    Any advice would really help. I dont want my credit to be ruined because of him and I dont want to have bad records in blacklisted tenants.


  96. January 17, 2009 at 4:04 pm, Guest said:

    Roommate works from home.Help!
    I live with 3 roommates, one of whom has decided to take up working from home. The rest of us are in school and are gone every day for most of the day. I live in Northern California, (San Francisco) which means that it never gets below 50 degrees, yet somehow our gas bill for last month was almost $200. This can be directly contributed to the fact that the roommate works all day long in the coldest room in the house, and so he turns up the heat while the rest of us are gone. It is out of line to request that he pay more of the utilities?


  97. March 07, 2009 at 2:05 pm, Guest said:

    My roommate is a physically disgusting 42-year old man. First of all, I know this seems like a stupid choice, but he’s a grad student in my program, so it seemed like a good idea at the time… Anyway, he’s acting creepier and creepier. He provokes me by kicking my butt or scaring me from behind the corner… if I don’t repond, then hey, I just got my ass kicked. If I try to get revenge, he starts a “play fight”, but his objective is to touch me. Recently he was holding me, and as I was trying to break free, he jumped on my lap and injured my knee. I confronted him about it the next day, but instead of apologizing he turned into a total jerk, and now he’s not talking to me and I can basically feel his anger hovering all around our apartment. I’m too stressed out to cook meals, etc. All my male friends say it’s my fault because I should’ve stopped him earlier and shouldn’t have responded to his provocations. Why is it always the girl’s fault!? 🙁


  98. March 17, 2009 at 7:50 am, Guest said:

    My roommate is threatening me. She has posted on a public internet site inviting people to our apartment to “join in on an ass beating.” She has sent me text messages saying that if I try to leave “I’ll regret it.” She has also threatened me in person numerous times with her friends in the apartment. I do not know what to do. I let things go too far without saying anything. When she put a bag of garbage on my bed because I left a gum wrapper in the living room I didn’t say anything… when her brother moved in for two weeks I didn’t say anything… but this I can’t handle. I offered to move out and have someone sublet or for both of us to move out and allow any of the 4 couples interested in the apartment to move in. She has refused both. I explained the situation to my landlord who, understandably, claims that it is not his problem to deal with. We are both on the lease and if I move out and continue to pay I feel like I’m just letting her win. Is there anything that I can do?


  99. April 22, 2009 at 5:40 pm, Fed up. said:

    Right so this situation is a bit messy. Originally me and 2 of my friends were going to move in together and one of them invited another girl (who is 24 and 3 years older than us) to join our group. Me and the other friend did not know this girl as well but we were on friendly terms with her. anyways, my friend who invited her backed out of the living arrangement last minute and we were left to move in with this girl she had invited. We were to be moving into a 3-bed appartment, with one larger room one medium sized and a smaller one, but all with double beds. we signed the agreement in january and in june the girl came over to see me and my friend to pick rooms before we moved in in july. she suggested we picked numbers out of a hat and she picked 1st and drew the smallest room, my friend then drew the medium one and i was left with the largest. and as far as we were concerned it was done fairly and we left it at that. she comes over the next day and says that shes not happy with the way things were done because she thinks that it was unfair for her to get the smallest when ‘she did all the work’…my friend didnt say anything as this girl can be quite overpowering and intimidating but i wasnt hearing any of it and told her that actually she we all had equal input and that it was done fairly and shes just upset she didnt get the largest room. she didnt like this and was persistant. she eventually left and we were left ot think about it and decided that actually she was just being a spoilt little rich girl who didnt get the largest room and that we were not going to give in.
    so we texted her telling her that we discussed it and we think it was done fairly and that we are willing to compromise by paying more towards the bills…she replied telling us to f*** off (more words were said). and we just left it.
    So….in september term started and were were not on speaking terms with her. she refused to pay the first bill but we eventually sorted that out and she paid her share (after parents got involved).
    then we were on talking terms for a couple of months.
    Then in january when we came back after christmas…things were a bit awkward and eventually it got back into a hostile living situation after she refused to pay the second bill. she said that we agreed that me and my friend whould pay more…after i reminded her that she told us to ‘f*** off’ she kept quiet and paid it. her arguements were that we use more electricity because our rooms are bigger…which is a fair arguement…but i hadnt been living there for 2 weeks and it was still willing to pay my 3rd of the electricity bill so she couldnt use that.
    anyway a few months later she started accusing us of taking her cutlery and using her shower gel. her cutlery i genuinely did not know what had happened to it but she could have easily lost it. I happened to know that my friend had been using her shower gel but she was really scared of this girl so i didnt want to rat her out. then one day she knocked on my door and accused me of breaking her kettle and i was genuinely surprised and i told her i didnt know anything about it and she gave attitude. my friend had told me that she accidently dropped a jar from the top shelf in the kitchen and that it had broken…i put two and two together as this shelf was on top of the kettle and realised that the jar mustve hit the kettle. so i suggested this to my friend and informed her of the kettle but she said that it was possible but that she didnt realise it had hit the kettle. she did not tell the girl out of fear and i didnt want to rat her out because i knew she was scared so i kept quiet.
    then me and my friend left for easter holidays and the girl was still in the flat…my friend went up there for a couple of days and informed me as soon as she got there that there was a massive burn on my sofa. she also said that this girl had turned the fridge off when she left and that everything was mouldy and that she had tried to clean it all out.
    I then went up a couple of days and was really annoyed about the sofa and the fridge because it seemed like it was done on purpose. i could see that things were going to get bitchy but decided to take the high road and left a note on her door which said,
    ‘Jen, Becks had to clean the fridge out because you had switched it off, it still needs one more clean, if you could do this please. Also i saw the burn on my sofa, we will talk about it whe i get back, see you later!’

    And she sticks one on my door incredibly bitchy saying,
    ‘i didnt switch the fridge off…why would i seeing as most of the food in there was mine. uve got no right to ask me to clean the fridge seeing as u didnt do ne cleaning the whole of last term. and then she says i had nothing to do with the burn on ure sofa…in ure own words “if u want to talk to someone talk to ureself’

    The problem is that i really think shes trying to get a reaction from me and im trying so hard to take the high road and control my anger. she definitely switched the fridge off because she was the only one in the flat…but the switch for it says freezer, so she might have thought it would just switch the freezer off (and none of her things are in the freezer, just mine and my friends). secondly i have ocd and i do ALL the cleaning…she cleaned the bathroom once with make-up wipes!…and again she was the only one who was in the flat to be able to burn the sofa and i think she did it in retaliaiton to her kettle, which i had nothing to do with.
    I have exams coming up and this situation is causing me a lot of frustration and stress. i dont understand how a 24 year old can act like such a child.
    Anyway, i am going back to the flat next week and was wondering how i should deal with the situation. (ie: the burn on the sofa her accusations of not cleaning and the fridge). i feel like showing my anger will give her satisfaction? i really don’t know what to do…but i feel like i should say something so she doesnt think she can get away with it?


  100. May 15, 2009 at 3:53 pm, Anonymous said:

    My roommate is threatening me. She has posted on a public internet site inviting people to our apartment to “join in on an ass beating.” She has sent me text messages saying that if I try to leave “I’ll regret it.” She has also threatened me in person numerous times with her friends in the apartment. I do not know what to do. I let things go too far without saying anything. When she put a bag of garbage on my bed because I left a gum wrapper in the living room I didn’t say anything… when her brother moved in for two weeks I didn’t say anything… but this I can’t handle. I offered to move out and have someone sublet or for both of us to move out and allow any of the 4 couples interested in the apartment to move in. She has refused both. I explained the situation to my landlord who, understandably, claims that it is not his problem to deal with. We are both on the lease and if I move out and continue to pay I feel like I’m just letting her win. Is there anything that I can do?


  101. June 09, 2009 at 9:08 am, Anonymous said:

    I rec ently moved to oregon from alaska and the landlord tenant/roomate laws are different here. I have recently just got a bad roomate out of my apartment and got the locks changed. He lived her for about 5 months not paying his half of the rent and I had to pay all the bills, I have proof and reciepts of this. My question is, when he left he left behind some of his belongings, do I have a right to hold them for unpaid past rent or until he pays up on what he owes for the unpaid past rent?


  102. June 09, 2009 at 9:09 am, Anonymous said:

    I recently moved to oregon from alaska and the landlord tenant/roomate laws are different here. I have recently just got a bad roomate out of my apartment and got the locks changed. He lived her for about 5 months not paying his half of the rent and I had to pay all the bills, I have proof and reciepts of this. My question is, when he left he left behind some of his belongings, do I have a right to hold them for unpaid past rent or until he pays up on what he owes for the unpaid past rent?


  103. July 13, 2009 at 3:15 am, DONE. said:

    ok. So my roommate and I have been friends for 5 years. We have been living in this apartment for 5 months, and we lived in a previous apartment for 6 months. Things were perfectly fine in the last apartment which is why we decided to move together again.
    The last apartment was destroyed by previous roommates before she moved in, and we both vowed to keep this one really clean.

    So when we moved into this one, we started cleaning once a week. Well that WE, turned into I in about a couple weeks ater move in. For the first three months living there, I deep cleaned that apartment once a week. I EVEN CLEANED THE ENTIRE PLACE ON MY BIRTHDAY WITH NO HELP.

    So, after leaving subtle hints for her to clean, and they still weren’t recognized, I gave up.
    I rarely clean now because everytime I do, it just gets destroyed in a matter of a day or two.
    Now, I used to be a drug addict. I have been in recovery for 4 months now. She on the other hand, still does these things. When I told her of my quitting, at first she was supportive, but then she just started to not hang out with me anymore. And then once I had alot more going for me in my life besides just doing drugs, I got in a very healthy relationship, I got my GED, I’m going to be starting college this semester, etc. She doesn’t talk to me anymore. And during me accomplishing my goals for myself, I never once made her feel bad about herself. I always gave her encouragement and tried to get her to go out with me and meet new people and to hang out with me and have fun etc.

    But now its gotten to the point where she does nothing but work and do drugs and drink and party. She also became my manager in the past 6 months because we also worked together for the past year. Ever since then she has talked down to me like I know nothing and she is much more of an adult with me, even though I handle all the bills, they are all in my name, I FOUND the apartment, talked to the landlord, made all the phone calls etc. And I ended up finding a better job with better pay and better hours and I quit that job that I worked at with her and now she pretty much just stopped talking to me period.
    She leaves all her paraphenalia around the house, I can’t get anything I want done with the apartment because she sleeps until 5pm, and now we just recently let a coworker stay with us because we could use the extra help, and its worked out great, but he also does drugs.
    So finally a snapped and told her off saying to pick up her shit because I was done being her maid and that she has a cat too and to pick up the cat box because she has never once touched it, and just because she puts dishes in a dishwasher and seldomly takes out the trash doesnt mean that she puts in work around the place. And ever since then she’s made my life a LIVING HELL. She will know when i work early and she will stay up until 5am partying blasting music and drinking, she invites my old manager WHO SHE STARTED DATING over when she knows I HATE HIM and he is loud and starts drinking and blasting music when I’m sleeping… And i’m stuck in a situation where the complex I live at doesn’t know we have animals, I have nowhere to go where I can bring my animals, and its gotten to the point where I’m losing sleep and I talked to the manager of the complex and they said that someone else needs to sign on in my place, but the third person living here can’t afford it and his credit is awful and they don’t know hes living here. WTF do i do?? I’m at the end of my rope.


  104. October 17, 2009 at 10:19 am, Anonymous said:

    My problem is I have tried to help a young person, who at first seemed mature. But, no is actim like I am her mom! She has stoped baying her room fee which is very low! She does not drive so I have been taking her to work early in the morning, when weather is bad. She has been only working twice a week for a mo. and she admitted she has been offered more hours but stated in front of me she is doing fine if some one else needs the time! I was to shoked to think of how to respond. I told her she could be helpful to keep house woork done but it to busy with her friends and hanging out at Church. I am most mad at myself because I do want to hewlp people but find myself upset when they take advantage!


  105. November 04, 2009 at 12:05 am, Kaitlin said:

    I don’t know what to do, and I can’t live like this anymore.

    I live with my best friend and another friend I’ve known for a couple of years. Every couple of days I ALWAYS end up doing everyone else’s dishes; they always say “Oh, I was about to do that,” but I have a hard time believing it. My best friend is the worst culprit, and for TWO YEARS I have repeatedly asked her not to leave dishes in the sink all the time. Her responses? “I do not, and I’m mad that you think I do.” “You really need to get help; it’s not healthy to keep blowing up at small stuff.” And, tonight, “I wish you would realize that some people have a life.” Well, I have a life, too, and I don’t appreciate spending 30 minutes of it every other day doing everyone else’s dishes! How did this issue get turned to me? It’s a small thing if I ask once or twice, but for TWO YEARS?!? That’s not a small issue anymore. It takes two seconds in the morning to put a cereal bowl in the dishwasher, but they’ll sit there for 2 or 3 days. This is actually starting to hurt our friendship. What the hell can I do?!?


  106. December 19, 2009 at 9:34 pm, beyondheaven said:

    kaitlin you have a beautiful name but to answer your question{every time you find a dirty dish throw it out.after a short while they will get the picture of what your thinking about} keep your dishes and stuff in your room


  107. January 23, 2010 at 1:25 pm, Disgusted said:

    Why in the crap are you people (especially singles) letting opposite sex roommates or guests live with you?

    It seems like you WANT trouble!


  108. February 10, 2010 at 1:27 pm, Anonymous said:

    So I have three roommates and one of them is two years younger than us and extremely immature. She leaves her clothes, plates, dirty dishes and trash everywhere and not to mention when she “takes the trash out” she sets it outside the door when the dumpster is 20ft away.

    This has gotten out of control the other day when I came home there was a note left by the apartment saying out account had been charged a $25 fee for leaving garbage outside the door. The three of us have refused to pay and now the fourth roommate says its not her fault and “we are all team”. I dont know what to do, its not about the money its the fact that she is so lazy and has no respect for anyone but herself.

    No one else will confront her, she has been to the apartment in days, should I call or text or just ignore it?



  109. March 11, 2010 at 2:48 am, Bob said:

    I like all of these solutions, but I doubt they would work — these are organized people solutions and would not work with sloppy people.

    Also, as for the ‘busy’ roommate and dirty dishes — if they have time to cook and eat, they have time to wash. Immeadiately.

    I did find that keeping all the clean spoons locked up works for getting dirty spoons washed — temporarily.


  110. October 15, 2010 at 2:54 pm, Anonymous said:

    I have had roommates before and prefer to live by myself. A few months ago i found an apartment that i could afford on my own, and i loved it. I was discussing it with a friend that i hadn’t known for very long. She was living at her grandmother’s house but her grandmother wanted to rent it out so she had to move. She didn’t know what she was going to do and has some legal issues going on. Which i understand. She asked if i would let her move in with me. I thought about it for ALONG time, about a month. And wasn’t very keen on the idea, but would want someone to help me out in a time of need. So i said she could move in with me until she got her feet back on the ground. It has not been a good experience for several reasons:

    1. Since we have moved in together she does NOTHING! I dedicate a day to cleaning the apartment once a week, from top to bottom. She has come home on several occasions while i was cleaning and not even offered to help in anyway. I have spoken to her about cleaning and she insists that she “runs” the vacuum once a week. To me cleaning is more than just running the vacuum. A few weeks ago she txt me that she cleaned. I got home and i’m looking around, nothing was done except she wiped the faucet off in the bathroom sink, but the toothpaste was still in the sink that was there that morning. Every week when i clean i can tell she hasn’t done anything. I was very irritated for awhile but i’ve kind of accepted that i am going to clean the house myself.

    2. The apartment doesn’t have a washer and dryer, but they have the hookups. It took me about a month but i finally found a used washer and drying. The washer isn’t working right but we can still do our laundry, i’m getting it fixed soon. I tell my roommate that the washer isn’t working right and not to do bigs loads until it is fixed. She begins to argue with me that the washer isn’t broken that it’s the dryer. The loads she puts in are to big for the washer whether it is broken or not. Either way it isn’t hers to break so why are we arguing over it. Then she will leave her cloths in the washer and dryer. Now I live on the 2nd floor and the laundry is in the basement which you have to walk outside to get to. I don’t leave my cloths in the washer and drying, and i own them, just because i feel it’s inconsiderate. I asked her not to do it and she pretty much said it wasn’t a big deal that she did.

    3. Always an argument. It’s getting cool outside and the other day i come home and she has the heat blaring! I wouldn’t mind so much but she has her air conditioner still in the window, which she rarely uses. So i said to her that we weren’t turning the heat on until she takes it out. She tells me “We haven’t had an indian fall in a few years and i have a feeling it’s going to get hot again.” Sorry, but it was ridiculous. So i said that’s fine, but we’re keeping the heat off until it’s out. So finally she takes it out. So now we have 3 air conditioners sitting in our living room. One is mine, hers, and another one. I had to find out where the landlord would let us put them in the basement. So the other day i’m taking them down, struggling the whole way, and she just watched. No “can i help you” nothing. I could never watch someone struggle and not help.

    I could keep going on but i think you get the idea. I want this girl to feel welcome, she does pay for half of everything. However i wanted to have my own place and allowed her to live with me because i wanted to help her, she had no where else to go. I know i’m a bit OCD when it comes to cleaning, and i really don’t mind the cleaning but it’s a lot of stuff building up. She’s 30 and i’m 23. I thought i was moving in with a 30 year old woman, but all of her friends are around 18, and she acts just like them. She has even gone as far as speaking down to me in front of her “little” friends. I have a lot of patience, and i consider myself very easy going and easy to get along with. But i’m just about at my snapping point. I didn’t have to sign a lease because my landlord is a friend. I’ve spoken to my landlord and she supports me with whatever i decide to do. I think my roommate has forgotten that this was temporary and that if one of us is leaving it isn’t going to be me. I know this is really long and i really appreciate whomever has read this. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.


  111. October 25, 2010 at 6:48 pm, Upset (at both of us) said:

    My roommate and I have been friends for our entire adult life (over a decade) and moved into an apartment together almost 3 years ago. When we first talked about it, she told me that she always keeps mutual rooms (like the bathroom and livingroom) reasonably neat. You know, there might be a pile of magazines in a corner but there’s no dirty dishes or clothes on the floor. The kind of ‘neat’ that if someone pops by suddenly it’ll take a few minutes to straighten up.

    Both of us are messy people but we both agreed to keeping the mess to our bedrooms. It worked fine for a while then after a few months we would both pile stuff on the couch or in a corner. She would complain, I would clean, she would praise. A few times of this cycle and I told her as politely as I could that she needed to help out a bit too. She was (and still is) working two jobs while I work one. However, the number of hours we work is the same and we both have early and long days so that excuse isn’t really acceptable.

    After I stopped cleaning everytime she complained, the place got worse. One year into our living together and I was confined to my (surprisingly almost neat) room because her stuff cluttered up the place. I asked her (through email, chat rooms, Face Book, phone calls, notes on the refrigerator) to please help me clean. I even told her that she could focus on just her room (enabling her to move her clothes/books/etc) back into her room as she went and that I would take on the rest of the place. She did for all of a day. Then she would complain to me about the mess and tell me tat it needed to be cleaned. The cycle would repeat every few weeks. Me asking, her helping a couple hours, nada.

    About 18 months after we moved into together she started staying at her bf’s place (literally 2 buildings down in the same complex). You’d think it’d be cool, right? Nope. She only packed a few things and left most of her stuff here. Then whenever I clean, it lasts all of a week before she pops back in and tears through every box or bag she sees. Then she leaves it for me to clean. She continues to use the “I have 2 jobs” excuse. Even when I point out how I had 21 hours of school, at least that many hours homework and prep as well as work 30-40 hours a week. All I got though was a “You don’t understand!”

    I asked her why not just move in with the BF but she has her reasons (some I can understand but some make me wonder why they’re still together). So instead of helping me, she stays with him (a neat-freak who cleans after her, so does his mom) and then snaps at me about how messy our place is. So finally I had it — I’ve been going through some serious, heartbreaking issues with my family — and told her she needed to help me clean. She puttered about and cleaned two tiny areas (aka, tossed my stuff aside and boxed her’s up) then ignored/avoided me for a week. Finally she and I agreed to exchange emails venting our frustrations with/about eachother.


    She pointed out all my flaws and I said that what she was upset with me about was pretty much the same stuff I was upset about. She even mentioned that she’d been looking for a full-time job so she could move out and get her own place. I said that if she wanted to, fine, I wouldn’t stop her but maybe should wait until after the holidays. She read that as me threatening to kick her out and sent a nasty email in return claiming that her name is first on the lease so ‘just try it.’

    I told her that she couldn’t send me a list of my faults/problems she has with me and expect me to accept it if she wasn’t willing to do the same for me. I know that I’m not perfect. But BOTH of us are messy people and we BOTH knew it and discussed it before signing the lease. I told her that right now, unless she needs to talk to me about the rent or bills we pay, I don’t wish to speak to her at all. I miss her and all the fun times but it’s a classic case of the Pot calling the Kettle black.


  112. February 07, 2011 at 5:23 pm, Renadawn said:

    My roomate and I have been good friends for about 13 years. We’ve been living together for about 6 months now, basically problem-free. Until yesterday….she brought home a ferret. She did not even ask me how I felt about it. Personally, I would rather not have any pets here. I’m allergic to a lot of different kinds of dander. I’m pretty sure you have to pay a pet deposit, which she has no intention of doing. I do not like ferrets–they smell and are a little scary! She doesn’t seem to understand how inconsiderate it is to get a pet without consulting the roomate. Help!


  113. February 10, 2011 at 11:38 am, Missy said:

    All of these stories are putting me off the idea of having a room mate but I’ve got to do something. I know this. I won’t put up with the majority of the things people are putting up with. I’m afraid I’m the messy person so they’re going to have to be fine with that. I’m NOT going to be the type of person who harasses them over idiotic tasks. I’m going to invite them over and tell them this is how it is. If they like the place fine. If they think I’m too much of a slob then they don’t need to rent from me. I’m nervous. I guess I really need to buy a filing cabinet with a lock so I can keep my private things private? Either that, or have a lock put on the door.


  114. May 08, 2011 at 7:31 pm, anon said:

    sounds like every one has roomate problems lol.

    “My son signed a lease with his now estranged wife back in Feb. 2006. The wife left in July; he got a roommate in September. He’s a full-time student and cannot manage the rent alone. I co-signed for the apartment. His lease will be up for renewal soon. What steps should he take to protect his living situation and keep the apartment?
    His soon to be ex wife broke the lease when she moved out and hasn’t offered any help, although she has stored some of her belongings in the apt, but we have managed to keep the rent paid on time. Will this have any effect on my son’s lease renewal?”

    as far as that go’s you could take her to court and sue for half the bills from when she left you would need proof of total amount of rent / electricity / water / sewer / garbage. and you could probably get a reasonable sum for her storing some items there since she decided to leave its on her. they could have easily just split the rooms instead of living together.

    AS FAR AS I GO –

    My roommates are some of the dirtiest most obnoxious people I’ve ever had the problem of living with. I live with 2 other people in a 3 bedroom house. i dont currently as of this post have a job and am living on unemployment, prior to that i was working nights stocking a retail outlet store.

    when i was working nights i had to sleep during the day and one of my roommates would turn music up very loudly… or have lots and i mean 10-15 people at the house. he would stomp around the house.. there were many a days, nights for me that i would have little to no sleep and have to go throw and stock 6-10 pallets worth of freight. even after saying something NOTHING changed. I get moody when i dont get at least 6 hours of sleep. a few times i had to literally yell at him to “Shut the F up and have some god damned respect.” he doesn’t seem to get it .. but he expects the same when hes sleeping which me personally am more then happy to accommodate its a basic aspect of being respectful for me.

    He’s genuinely lazy when he wasn’t working and on unemployment he would do some occasional cleaning but i mean hes an example once a week about he would do dishes and clean the living room… now heres where i am still. i stick to my room i have no interest in going out in the living room and talking to there friends or what have you, nor do i really have the time to cook or the interest to make the mess its a hassle for me especially when working to clean dishes i just hate dishes so i dont make dirty dishes and the occasional plate or bowl / silverware i use i clean up soon as i am done with it, or i purchase paper bowls/plates / plastic utensils so i can just toss them really quick.

    I had also purchased a bunch of food the first 2 months i lived in the house and he literally engorged him self on it, now we were friends pretty much before all this but i expect respect especially when i give it out. I had even told him its ok to eat some of the FOOD just DO NOT Kill it or leave a small amount i wanted a big mans helping in there. I kid you folks not i would spend about 100$ a week that’s enough food to feed a family of 3 for Monday – Friday. and he would eat the shit outta it in a day or 2 at best. so instead of starting something i purchased i miniature fridge and put it in my room, he apparently was not happy about that but as you can imagine i really dont care any more.

    Same roommate still outta work, we ended up losing our Comcast service because he couldn’t pay his portion of the bill and a few times just flat out didn’t pay it, i started to notice it went up and up and up and up till they closed it off at about 1,200$.

    I am outta of work currently like i said and he hasn’t changed one bit, and recently they ordered Comcast again… through my other roommate i imagine. neither one of them said squat to me about ordering it again (respect issue for me). my other roommate is not so bad while he smokes a crap load of cigerates and something else :/ hes always broke and tends to not eat but pays his bills so his own problem and i really dont care.

    I am fed up though personally I am in the process of jumping ship i had planned to move into another space of my own instead but right as i had it all set up and ready to go i got laid off.
    I am in the process of just moving in with my parents for a duration. however thats how annoyed i am and my younger sibling and her 2 kids live with my parents so you can imagine if 2 little children 3-5 and a younger sister + 2 parents are better then this 1 roommate…


  115. May 08, 2011 at 7:35 pm, anon said:

    oh yah and no im not on the lease or anything binding, as well the bad roommate has apparently 2 jobs now but he still barley manages to scape by..


  116. October 17, 2011 at 8:38 am, Late Rooms London said:

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  117. October 18, 2011 at 9:28 pm, Jessica said:

    I’ve been living for around 3 months at my place. I have a private room. I’ll be honest I can be cluttered but I’m not dirty and mostly my problem is I have too many clothes. My landlord also lives in the house for most of the week. I started to notice that he’s very OCD neat freak. He would also complain about my other housemates hair and mine in the bathroom. I have a lot of hair but after that I was trying to be more conscious and picking up any long hairs of mine I saw on the floor. I also cleaned and vacuumed the kitchen when I felt that it needed attention. But then he got upset and we decided to all clean on one day of the week . I did clean on my day but for some reason he thinks that I don’t. So I’m going to have to clean when he’s IN the house , I heard him complaining about me on the phone when he thought I didn’t hear. He also flew off the handle about the boxes I had in storage, I will admit I had 1-2 boxes that weren’t that full and almost empty but it was just a forgetful thing on my part. He could have calmly told me about it so I think it should have been a minor annoyance. I’m not a bad person and I’m quiet and don’t stay in the house all day. I’m going through some depression lately but I felt so awful when I heard his angry rant about me : ( I don’t know what to do , he even complained about my room. First it’s my room and it’s private so he has no right to even talk about that!! Ughhhhhhhh


  118. October 25, 2011 at 11:48 pm, Anonymous said:

    “me an my ex live togather but i move out and lights are in my name. i had them turn off but there are 3 kids and she is pregnant is it illegal to cut them off in the state of ga”


  119. November 03, 2011 at 7:41 am, Anonymous said:

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  120. November 10, 2011 at 4:08 am, Anonymous said:

    My romate move out 11-5-11. He was never on the rental lease. He paid his 10-11 rent. Unfortunately he left is television behind. I have tried to call him, email him text him to come get his Television. He will not respond. I do not want to be a storeage facility. How long do I have to store it for him? Can I give it to Goodwill now?


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  122. November 25, 2011 at 4:38 pm, Anonymous said:

    I had a roommate when I was 19 and she was much older like 50. I am now 33, married with kids and the same old lady refuses to move out! I have spoke to her on numerous occassions but she refuses to leave stating that “she can’t leave she will not have anywhere to go.” She thinks I am her daughter (I’m not) and I am supposed to let her live with me my hole life! Since I got married she refuses to pay rent stating she does not have any money! but she has a job! she does pay for the $30 cable bill but that is it! she does not buy any food and will use my shampoo and eat my kids ceral without any guilt or replacment. She has become very nasty blowing her nose on a tissue and leaving it on the dinner table when she eats (my food) and not flushing the toilet after she uses the bathroom. She does not have any money because she supports her adult drug addict daugher and her children but cannot give me any money. Help! how can I ever get her to leave! I have thought about moving out when she is at work!


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  125. March 20, 2012 at 8:38 am, anonymous said:

    By Sharon Ying
    Screw you
    I had a great time writing my organic chem exam this morning. Thanks for being so thoughtful last night. It was as if you were trying to screw me over EVERY TIME when I’m going to have my exam.
    I won’t forget this, for this is something that cannot be undone.
    her test was on a weekend, and she always goes home on the weekend. She did not mention that she would stay in the dorm for the weekend. I got back from the party at 4am on the weekend and i suppose the door and the light startled her. Which i immediately apologized for waking her up. This is the message that i received in the morning.

    Sharon is a roommate that i have roomed with before. I have to say, after living with her and based on the comments that were given by her other roommates, she was reported to the RA regarding her anger management problem.
    Things she would do:
    – taping the opening of the AC unit so you cannot adjust the dial to heat (75 F) during Winter time. She keeps it at 55 F which is colder than the hallway in the suite. A piece of notecard was also attached.. it says: “If you’re so called put on more sweaters and pants and socks.” This was in December.
    – she would yell at you right after you get out of shower b/c it was after 12am and it was a 25min shower. Though she did it many times..
    – she would unplug the power from the fridge b/c she’s bothered by the noise. Needless to say, my food was spoiled
    – she would call your relative that you’re having problem accomodating with her needs
    – backstabbing you behind your back when she sees your friend though you’re the one who introduced her to your friends


  126. June 06, 2012 at 3:13 pm, Done said:

    I read this article, and well, did not find it helpful. I do live with a slob. She leaves a mess in her wake, and I am the one left to clean it up. I have tried to confront her in a firm tone, but she went and threw a temper tantrum complete with screaming, crying, jumping up and down, and yelling. She honestly does not care about anyone’s property including her own. She has ruined countless items of mine, and is on her way to destroying my couch. She acts like a child and questions statements I make in regards to my personal belongings. She only “cleans” when I point out that something is disgusting or she wants to gain praise. Her version of vacuuming is going over a small area quickly without moving furniture. Her reason, which is an excuse, is that in her whole life she has never lived on her own or had to keep a home and that she needed to be taught to clean. Seriously, if you are in your mid-20s you should have a grasp on how to clean up after yourself. I have given up on her and am counting down the days until I can move out.


  127. September 21, 2012 at 9:50 pm, guest said:

    my roommate just dosen’t know when to shut his mouth ,i can’t even have a conversation with my girlfriend with out him butting in and callin my place a dump …worse part is i just ot laid off from my job and i’m really worried about spending money either than on bills and food and he wants to go out partying worst part is he’s almost 30 and i’m 25 and he dosen’t understand why he’s not futher ahead in life .i just wish he could see what kind of a pain in the fuckin ass he’s being to my girlfriend (she even threatend to leave today if he dosen’t smarten up or get out ) i seriously am not going to lose the best thing to ever happen to me for some total jackass


  128. September 25, 2012 at 7:11 pm, Hopefully said:

    Geez, Done and other people with crappy roommates, I hope that you all have gotten out alright and that things have gotten better for you.

    Crappy people blow chunks!


  129. January 03, 2013 at 7:12 pm, burgundy said:

    I rented a room from a woman 3 years ago, when I moved in I made sure my reason for moving was I was very allergic to cats and my son had 2 that put me in the hospital twice. She had no cats, had a bf that occasionally stay overnight. This is a house one bathroom, stay in the attic converted to bedroom but must use the kitchen and bathroom down and the laundry. The bf doesn’t work, never has, he buys wrecked cars and sells them to unsuspecting people. He even charges her to do the mowing, which leads me to one year ago he went out got some druggie to mow the grass paid him less than he was charging the roommate, well the idiot left the druggie alone with house open and “you got it” druggie took her laptop and anything else that wasn’t nailed down. She took his key away because he did it again, no robbery that time. In the last month this loser has been here 24/7 he is even here when she goes to work. A few days ago I asked him to go because I was going to dye my hair before work and needed the bathroom, I left and 40 minutes later he still laid up in bed, I threw him out. So on and so on I got this letter from my roommate who said I should apologize to him because he scared to come over. I tried to tell her this was her house but as long as I l pay rent it is my home and her bf has no right going through my things or being here if she not here, she doesn’t get. the jerk brought a cat in last night said he misses it and would I mine, she said nothing, I told him cats causes my larynx to close over trachea and I can’t breathe. It took him an hour to get the cat out. Do you think I should apologize? I am looking for a new place, may have one soon PRAY!!!


  130. February 04, 2013 at 8:20 pm, Bob said:

    I have a question. I’m trying to find a new place since my roommate and I are at odds. He has this female friend he used to date, she broke up with him…..some time ago. She comes over every weekend sometimes staying for days. On my days off she sits in his room and I have no idea she’s here until she uses the bathroom. I do not like her, she’s manipulative, passive aggressive and he even referred to her once as his God, he was really stoned. This obviously is the reason I’m moving. The question is this, how do I get him to keep her away until I move? Is there a way to make him understand that this behavior is unacceptable under any circumstance? I have tried talking to him about it but he became defensive to the point of almost being hostile. This is his first time on his own and thinks I’m trying to be his mother, that’s right, not dad but mom. This was after I asked him to call me when she was coming over so I could stay elsewhere which I thought was reasonable and actually too nice. Please help me.


  131. January 01, 2014 at 3:32 pm, Anonymous said:

    If your inconsiderate room-mate is not being understanding, once he’s gone off to work, knock on his bedroom door & ask to speak with the woman directly. Be totally honest & super direct with her. Tell her you feel very uncomfortable in your own home, having a non-paying renter living there. Advise her that because your room-mate is not home, you do not want to be legally responsible for her in the house in case of a fire or any other emergency. Also tell her that you’re not fond of her in general & that it would be better for both you and your room mate’s relationship that she find somewhere else to stay on the weekends. Don’t back down. At this point, go ahead & hurt her feelings. She deserves it. You could also shut off all the power while she’s in the house. Just go outside & turn the outside power off to his bedroom. If an unwelcome, non-paying guest is taking up space in (your) home, they are doing it because you’ve made it very comfortable for them. Cut off the internet while she’s there & also turn off the power so she can’t watch TV & surf the web. After a few of these uncomfortable, “boring” days in that room, she’ll get the hint & she’ll stop coming over when he’s not there. Another idea would be to blast music or play drums right outside his bedroom door. If you make enough noise out in the hallway & not make any apologies for it, she’ll get sick of it & leave. She’ll complain to her so-called bf but who cares. He’s only letting her get away with staying there because you’re not taking a big enough stand in the situation. Get creative & do stuff like spraying stinky perfume or rotten egg or fish smells under the door too. Mainly taking away the easy stuff like turning the electricity off in that area will get the unwanted guest out.


  132. November 10, 2016 at 5:43 pm, Harmony said:

    Okay so my room mates are adults, I am 18 and we are all on the lease. We split all bills completely equally, the only thing extra they have paid for was the initial Bond upon moving in. Now we have a spare bedroom that their daughter comes down from Brissy and stays in every weekend. She has no financial contribution for the room that they all call hers, nor is she on the lease. Last weekend, we had a falling out after I told their daughter that for me, I am to be AKSED if she may bring her fuck boy over into my home, rather than being TOLD. She spat the dummy, clearly hurting her ego then boom, shit hit the fan. Anyway, next week on once again she's coming over with her fuck boy (my house is the inbetween they meet to have sex) and I want to know, do I have the right to say no to her coming? I'm not comfortable with paying for her and her guest staying in my house when they treat me like shit, I'm not comfortable with her being upstairs in my space and I'm not happy with my house being the hook up spot. They whole family act like I don't have a choice because she is there daughter but where do I stand legally? Can I have her escorted of the property?


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