When Your Neighbor is an Exhibitionist

in Neighbors on by

At one time or another, all of us have caught a glimpse of a stranger inside of his or her apartment. We’ve seen them in their kitchens as we walk down the street, or looked up at the flickering blue lights of a basketball game playing on their living room TV. If you live in a large apartment complex or on a densely populated street, you may frequently see the same neighbor in his apartment before he pulls down the shade at night.

But what should you do if it doesn’t appear that your neighbor knows how to operate his shade in the first place? What can you do if you can watch him in his bathroom- all the time? While the situation may be interesting at first, it can get uncomfortable quickly, especially if you have children at home. This is a delicate situation you’ll need to handle with sensitivity and tact. Here are a couple of potential situations to consider.

You already know the neighbor:

If your neighbor is a close friend, you may be able to diffuse the situation with some humor and explain your feelings. However, it’s more likely that you and the neighbor who likes to cook in the nude only trade glances in the mailroom. In this case, it’s best to keep quiet. While she may be receptive to your suggestion that she pull the shade down, you won’t know for sure. Your request may make her extremely uncomfortable. Unless you are a fan of awkward silence in the elevator, consider an indirect approach.

If you know your neighbor’s mailing address, you might consider dropping him an anonymous note, politely explaining your feelings. The same thing can be accomplished with a note slid under his apartment door. At least your all-hours view into his apartment will allow you to ensure he isn’t at home while you do it.

What about involving the landlord?

If your landlord is little more than an anonymous check-cashing machine, there isn’t much point in pursuing this path. However, if your landlord maintains a friendly, collegial relationship with his tenants, he may be of some use. He may be willing to discreetly explain the problem to your neighbor without mentioning your name. If your neighbor’s behavior is particularly inappropriate, a quick talk with the landlord may persuade him to change his ways.

What if your neighbor enjoys

When we can see into our neighbor’s windows, we often assume they don’t realize or care that they’re being watched. All of us forget to draw the shades some times, or just don’t want to bother when we’re in a rush. But what if the show your neighbor puts on in his apartment each night is just that- a show? What if he enjoys being watched? If you have already tried to express your feelings, either through a note or a third party and have gotten no response, this is a strong possibility. Your neighbor may get a thrill over exposing his life through the window. If you think this may be the case, you have an entirely different problem on your hands. Your neighbor has the right to do what he wishes in his own apartment, whether the curtains are drawn or not. Anonymous notes are not going to help- an exhibitionist appreciates an audience, sometimes even an unwilling one. Consider this- if your neighbor is putting on a show, he probably knows he is being watched. Is he watching you, watching him?

Now you have two choices. You can buy yourself some better shades and curtains and keep them closed. Or, you can appreciate your unusual living situation and realize it could be worse.

35 Responses to “When Your Neighbor is an Exhibitionist”

  1. January 02, 2007 at 12:04 am, Guest said:

    I disagree with the last part of this post. I also had a similar incident regarding two neighbors that liked having sex with their windows wide open, so you could see and hear everything. I couldn’t close my windows, either, because it was in the middle of the summer, and I live in an apartment with no A/C (since most places in the Pacific Northwest DON’T have A/C). Anyway, I went and talked with them, and told them I didn’t appreciate their show, especially since there were always small children playing outside (including mine). They obviously didn’t care, because they did it again. This time, I involved the police and the landlord. I was told that they were exhibtionists, and what they were doing was INDECENT EXPOSURE AND ILLEGAL. You DON’T have the right to expose yourself in your home to the public. Soooo…needless to say, other neighbors also complained, and they were kicked out faster than you can say “stupid pervs”.


  2. January 02, 2007 at 8:32 pm, Guest said:

    I was a little surprised by the last half of the article as well. Obviously it was written by either an exhibitionist or a exhibitionist friendly person. I use to have a lot of respect for this site, however the author of this article puts that in question. What you do in your home in private is your right. But keep it PRIVATE by shutting the shades or curtains. Not making me shut mine. It’s about time we stand up for what’s right and not give everyone every right at the expense of common decency.


    • February 02, 2017 at 3:54 pm, joe cadus said:

      > It might vary state to state, never know


  3. January 04, 2007 at 4:45 am, Guest said:

    Actually it is right and is a RIGHT that people are allowed to do things in their home, whether you like it or not.

    ‘Oh noes! I took part of the truth in that post and I am trying to make something worse about it!’

    Who the heck do you think you are? A princess or something? If you don’t like facts and sound advice than maybe you should leave and keep your high and might mouth shut.


  4. January 04, 2007 at 6:23 pm, Guest said:

    You’re not exactly well endowed in the reading department, are you? Otherwise, you would not have left such an idiotic post!


  5. January 04, 2007 at 10:37 pm, Guest said:

    I am an Australian in America, so I’m not sure of the laws here, but in Australia, people can wear and not wear what they like in their home, providing it cannot be seen from a public place. If it can be seen from another private residence however, then it is perfectly legal to be nude in your own home, and the only thing to do then is to either enjoy the show, or not look.


  6. January 05, 2007 at 3:16 pm, Guest said:

    Oh for Pete’s sake. If you do not watch, and do close your blinds, the exhibitionist will usually get the hint. If you want to remain anonymous, make them feel stupid, and get them to quit, pay a 12yr old $20 to knock on the door and tell them that they told the nice policeman where his apartment was cause they saw him diddling himself or his wife. Chester the self-molester will put his schmeckle away for good. If this is no help, then tell your landlord, threaten to move with legal action against the complex for not keeping the kid-zone free of pollutants. As a rule in the state of Colorado, and ALMOST everywhere else, if there is a playground or swimming pool, it is considered a kid-friendly zone, and as per Housing Regulations (even if not stated in your lease) indecent exposure next to these areas incurrs an extra $5000.00 fine, and a mandatory 5 years for involuntary child molestation… New laws for pervs to follow… tsk tsk… If you don’t have kids, and you are home ENOUGH to see this ALL THE TIME and don’t give mr. or ms. perv the hint by closing the blinds- you might be a vouyer… the opposite of exhibitionist… or… “one who likes to watch” so do what you need to do or shut up.


  7. January 05, 2007 at 4:15 pm, Guest said:

    It’s called civility. I run around my apt naked and frequent nude beaches as often as I can. But there is a time and a place for everything and you must show respect for your neighbors. I don’t think my 60-something neighbors across the way want to watch me screwing the latest muscle-boy I’m dating, nor do I want to watch them having wrinkly geriatric sex! Even if they were 20 something I still wouldn’t want to watch 2 breeders get it on! Unless you live in a clothing optional building keep the shades shut or put on some shorts! It’s called respect for your fellow humans.


  8. January 07, 2007 at 9:53 pm, Guest said:

    “If you don’t like facts and sound advice than maybe you should leave and keep your high and might mouth shut.”

    wow, what a jerk.


  9. January 08, 2007 at 1:39 am, Guest said:

    In the interest of the exhibitionist reading the article, it is considered illegal and is considered indecent exposure. You are not safe in your own home doing illegal drugs if someone can see you doing it, just like you are not safe flashing someone even if it’s through your window.

    I’m a fan of people being allowed to do what ever they want as long as it doesn’t hurt me, but according to the current law – close your shades.


  10. January 17, 2007 at 8:32 pm, Guest said:

    I agree….I just built a home on a small 7 acre lake. The new neighbor across the lake walk around nude all the time….but whats worse is that they have two kids, 11 and 12 who see everything. Im all for turning away..but I spent the money to get the view and now Im getting more of a view than I bargained for…!!!


  11. January 29, 2007 at 9:05 pm, Guest said:

    I don’t even own shades. My windows are totally bare, and I’m on the 2nd floor. My bed area is partitioned off so there’s privacy when I have a girl over. It’s a bit of a pain scurrying to the bathroom while still, um, excited from getting it on, but what can I say? I like natural light. I wouldn’t go so far as shagging right in front of the window though. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with just being naked in view of passers-by as long as there’s no sex happening. They don’t have to look, and my home is MY home.


  12. February 04, 2007 at 3:48 pm, Guest said:

    The exhibitionist of whom the author paints such a benign picture might just as quickly abduct you or your children.


  13. February 08, 2007 at 1:43 pm, Guest said:

    it is NOT illegal for you to walk around naked in your own home, no matter who sees it . period!!!


  14. February 10, 2007 at 9:33 am, Guest said:

    how rediculous to say that a person who walks around naked in his home is capable of such a thing. thats like saying a woman who dresses like a slut should expect to be raped lol.


  15. February 11, 2007 at 7:40 am, Guest said:

    then why did the mail girl who saw me once tell the postal inspector and have him threaten me with arrest?


  16. March 28, 2007 at 9:48 am, Guest said:

    I have to be honest, I do get pleasure when another man sees me naked masturbating to porn in my TV in my living room from outside, whether it’s a stranger neighbor across the street or someone just parking the car or driving. I feel this way because I also like to watch someone hot like me doing the same thing, I think it is totally hot. It is really weird but that’s what it is. I try not to be so obvious though, the shades are not completely open and I don’t turn on lights very bright. Still I know the have seen me many times. Now, I have to be honest, I am kind of worried that someday the cops will come and arrest me for this. What do you think?


  17. April 04, 2007 at 11:47 pm, Guest said:

    How stupid are some of you people? If someone wants to walk around nude in there home, that’s there business. If you don’t like the show on television you can change the channel or shut it off. All my life I’ve been brought up with nudity around the house being normal. When I got married we didn’t run and hide every time our kids were around. Perversion is not in the action! It’s in the mind! So all you perverts that don’t like seeing nude people in there homes, STOP LOOKING!!!!


  18. June 08, 2007 at 10:38 pm, Guest said:

    Actually, I talked to my local sheriff about this very problem and it IS ILLEGAL. Even though it is in your house, if you are doing it in front of an open window where anyone and everyone can see you, there is no expectation of privacy and it is considered a public display, and therefore, illegal. Sorry, but that is the plain truth directly from the authorities.


  19. October 05, 2007 at 2:05 pm, Guest said:

    I know this a very old message, but I cannot just read it and go away without saying something. Abductors are preoccupied with something that gives them the urge and obsession to do what they do. When a the topic is naked people and a person’s mind goes straight to kidnapping, then they are a kidnapper.


  20. June 09, 2008 at 4:45 pm, Guest said:

    In the states, there is no Federal Law on Nudity. It is usually a State or Local issue. Because of this, what goes on in one town does not mean it can go on in another. Take Brattleborough, VT. or anywhere in Vt. There are no State laws on nudity so it is legal to be nude anywhere, both in public and private. Some towns have created their own laws and some areas have zoning laws that prevent it. Think Homeowner Associations. Now in NY that would be an arrest able offense to walk naked in view of others though Lewd and Deciduous acts are hard to pin down.


  21. January 16, 2009 at 5:38 pm, Guest said:

    Lewd I understand, but deciduous are types of trees, arent they?


  22. February 01, 2009 at 1:43 pm, kookimebux said:

    Hello. And Bye. 🙂


  23. March 27, 2009 at 5:59 am, Anonymous said:

    Just wanted to add a few things. A person who likes to be watched, whether it be male or female does not make them a bad person everyone has their fantasies. If a person is in their own home and they leave the blinds open hoping that someone might watch and enjoy is a sense of pleasure. If it is illegal I really don’t understand why unless they are purposely targeting children which, lets hope that’s never the case; however, if that person is wanting or hoping that a mature adult of the opposite sex or same sex (whatever tickles your fancy) is watching them that’s great. Naked people are beautiful ecspecially when their pleasing themselves, I can understand that some people may take offense to this but you don’t have to watch and in my experience usually it’s late at night when they do it when all the little ones should be in bed. My suggestion would be try and be open minded a bit we were all born naked just because your ashamed to be naked in front of people doesnt mean everyone should. try and explore a little enjoy it or close the blinds that usually is the hint that your not interested. Anyway everyone who is against seeing people naked good luck in your short journey of life, me! im here to enjoy my life and if I ever get so lucky to see a couple or even a solo show in my time believe that im gonna watch, it’s stimulating. I wish I had a cute neighbor who wanted to expose themselves to me cause I would enjoy and probably return the favor. Just as long as they knew that’s as far as it would probably ever go.


  24. May 02, 2009 at 10:56 am, dennis said:

    in the united states:

    1.it’s illegal to be seen naked from one’s window from outside.period.those who want to argue that point,attempt the circumstance and you’ll wind up in court and probably in jail for a while..believe me!
    2.it’s not illegal for a minor ,whether male or female to generally see an adult totally stark buns naked as long as the naked person isn’t doing something physically sexual to him/herself or anyone else at the time./ believe it or not.
    3.it’s not illegal for an adult(for example a man over 21) and a minor to have a romantic relationship as long as it doesn’t involve sexuality of some kind.FRENCH KISSING ISN’T CONSIDERED SEXUAL/it’s actually legal//i’m surprised that so many people aren’t aware of that fact. a ten year old and 31 year old can actually have a romantic relationship which involves kissing/. it only becomes illegal if sex (touching or exposing the genitals or breasts in a sexual manner ,etc) is involved/. again,i’m really surprised at how many people,upon learning that it’s true are totally shocked.
    however,one CAN expect to wind up in court as there will be someone that will of course file charges against sucha person.how far it would go in court though,would remain to be seen/.


  25. May 03, 2009 at 8:57 pm, Tiff said:

    Why are people such prudes?

    Get over it, your kids will learn it someday too. It’s not like they will never ever find out about naked people or sex.


  26. July 02, 2009 at 10:34 am, Nobulbs said:

    I have (had?) the same situation going on where I live now. My neighbour’s building is directly across from my suite and his window faces my balcony (so, no blinds to close, the only other option would be to face the wall every time I go out onto my balcony). I tried throwing a pebble at his window and motioning to tell him to “put it away”, flashing my cat’s laser pointer toy at him while he was “in the act”, calling our mutual condo board (who sent him a letter – get this though, he’s ON the condo board! ha) and, finally, calling the police who told me to video tape him (what!) + keep a log of when he does it + invite someone over to watch so I had someone to corroborate my story.

    Well, I didn’t feel comfortable recording him in the act, and he only escalated his behaviour in response to the letter (he turned to directly face my balcony after getting the letter…completely buck naked, lol). The only thing I did that might have some impact on his behaviour was to confront him directly and look well pissed off as I did. He actually looked down and coyly smiled when I told him to close his blinds though(!!)…but he DID close them. It’s only been one night so far, but I’m hoping it did the trick.

    The police said it was more a civil matter and unless I had proof he was exposing himself to me on purpose (this is where they said his actions were in a “grey zone” since he was exposing himself…but in his private residence), I wouldn’t really be able to do much other than try to take him to court…where he might file a counterclaim (from the video evidence I might bring forward). So I asked them if “public shaming” was out of the question (I was thinking of writing a note in fat black marker and pasting it to my balcony so he/everyone who passed by could see). “HEY 115! I CAN SEE EVERY THING YOU DO. PLEASE CLOSE YOUR BLINDS!” (or something along those lines). They said that would be within my rights so long as I didn’t make a direct accusation as to what he was doing (i.e., masturbating etc). Something to consider if all else fails!


  27. July 30, 2009 at 4:33 pm, Donna said:

    My breakfast area French doors are directly opposite my neighbors’ bathroom window. She is a female living alone unless she has a female “friend” stay over. On a few occasions she has left her bathroom blinds open and we can see everything she does. She has never done anything overtly sexual in front of the open blinds with the exception of her and her friend holding their breasts up to the window while we were in the position to see. We are adults and neither my husband nor I mind seeing her naked no more than she “may” have seen use naked on those rare occasions in which we walk through the house naked to answer the phone etc. We actually quite enjoy never knowing what we may see!


  28. January 18, 2010 at 2:23 pm, Nicki said:

    i am an exhibitionist an have been since I was 18. I am 19 almost 20 now.The thing about that is i know my limits. I only do it the privacy of my apartment*WITH THE BLINDS SHUT*. i agree don’t look if you don’t want to and stop blaming you having children being the reason it should be stopped. You do not know what going on at school those 8 hours your little angels are away from you. All you have to do is stop being an isolating parent adn talk with your kids. They are most likely learning something worse at school. Its better for them to hear it from you than to go to school and get it from one of thier classmates.


  29. February 18, 2010 at 7:07 pm, [email protected] said:

    If you ever went to college…the girls dorm we lived in at Wheelock…was right accross from Simmons College for girls.
    OMG what the shows every night did for our sex lives!!! everyone should be as entertaining!


  30. November 29, 2011 at 12:51 am, susan P said:

    Once I was looking out my window and the girl across the street saw me casually gazing out , she proceeded to put on a short robe and put a chair up to her closet, and reach for something… exposing her beautiful bottom …knowing I was watching…. well it did something for me that has lasted a lifetime.
    Keep up the good work exhibitionists!


  31. March 19, 2012 at 4:35 pm, Johnny said:

    Quite a few years ago, a family lived in a flat across from mine. Two of the members of that household were gorgeous young girls (especially one of them) who had the (very nice) habit of going about the house fully naked, leaving their curtains fully open.
    Needless to say I never even dreamt of calling the police!


  32. November 20, 2012 at 1:53 pm, guest said:

    A word of warning.

    There is a woman across the street from me who was used to expose herself in her window as I smoked outside. Eventually I started looking out through my windows and was aroused by it. This occurred quite often over a period of two summers. Eventually I stopped looking about two years ago.

    The problems started occurring this summer when I noticed some people acting strangely toward me. Now I have a feeling there is a smear campaign out on me. My feeling is that someone else probably noticed her too and she decided to try to deflect it by spreading rumors about me. Apparently she has a lot of friends in the community and I don’t. I feel incredibly guilty and totally stupid for watching her to begin with.


    • February 02, 2017 at 4:01 pm, joe cadus said:

      > Get a two shirt printed with this slogan — There's 2 sides to every story"


  33. July 11, 2018 at 3:30 pm, Nad said:

    Thanx for a good discussion, which seems to be about apartment living while I live in a house. What concerns me, tho, is the negative atttitudes expressed. I have been a nudist for 65 of my 75 yrs. This means I am and my wife are without clothing in our home and backyard frequently. To me this is a matter of health. It is not about sex or being seen. I have been delighted, however, when I've had neighbors who either approved, understood or tolerantly ignored our comfortable ways. On the other hand, a great many people have very negative and fixed attitudes about nudity. When away from places and company where nudity is normal, I have never presumed that people would or SHOULD accept my nudity. Still, I honestly do not understand most negative attitudes, I agree there are times, places and events where nudity is not appropriate. And I do enjoy dressing well as much as anyone. At home it is certainly our right to be nude, but we have taken care to fence our yard and with a little observation you will find that most unshaded or lightly curtained windows are not occasions for being viewed. Neighbors or passersby probably don't want to see you nude, so if you find they can, it usually takes little to alter that circumstance. If you are friends with your neighbors and find them to have a good atttitude, then theres no worry. American society has forgotten that the general social view of nudity many years ago was humane and relaxed. What made people angry back then was public lewdness and aggressive sexuality neither of which was thought to be implied merely by being undressed. Today, all of this seems reversed: people want to be overtly lewd and sexually aggressive while fully clothed and they constantly use nakedness for cheap publicity, shock value or to overthrow public mores. I would never want to be nude around such people. And it is because of such confusion that we must have discussions and read such sad comments as yours. But thanx just the same. Instead we should enjoy seeing our bodies which are so prone to illness, injury and privation but which also, no matter how broken down, are miracles of life despite everything and the masterwork of our supreme Creator.


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