Many people end up in romantic relationships with neighbors. When that romance fades and you are contemplating a breakup, it’s especially important to end it amicably so your home neighborhood doesn’t become tense and uncomfortable.
Put the Wrongs Behind You
To prepare yourself for the breakup conversation, clear your mind of any bad history. He said/she said discussions are not helpful and will just hurt the other party or yourself. Don’t think about all the ways it didn’t work. Begin to focus on the things that you did like about the person.
Tell the Truth, Just Not the Whole Truth
If your romantic partner had a few deal-breaker traits that caused you to break up with him or her, don’t start listing these as a reason for the breakup! Many times, personality quirks that drive one person mad are unnoticeable to another person. In any case, listing a series of faults won’t help the breakup stay amicable.
Make It Graceful
While there is no real way to breakup with a person without hurting his/her feelings, it is possible to do it gracefully so both parties have their dignity intact. Keep in mind that brevity is important, and rambling will often lead you to say something you’ll regret or they will.
What to Say?
Start by telling him/her what a great person they are. Say they are caring, giving, imaginative, or whatever positive attributes you can see in that person. List them here, but keep it to under three attributes. Going on too long about how great the person is will either make you seem disingenuous or obsessive.
Say you don’t feel the chemistry is all there for you, and that he/she deserves someone who can give him/her the same level of interest in return. If you find a truth about your feelings for the person, it will always go better than making it up. Although the relationship may have worked for you in the beginning, there is no reason to feel badly about changing your mind. It happens to all of us.
Say the breakup has been weighing on your mind for a while and you didn’t know how to say it.
Say you know he/she is a good person, and you know you should feel more strongly for them but you don’t.
Make sure you keep the conversation points positive. Nothing will be gained by listing negatives in a breakup. It’s a breakup. Everyone present for the conversation will know there are negatives.
How to Say It?
Never break up over email or text. If schedule limitations prevent a face to face contact, then over the phone is acceptable. However, the best method of breaking up is a quick face to face chat with a hasty exit afterwards. No dinner, no committed evening. Just a 3 minute conversation, and then give him/her some privacy to digest what you’ve said.
Amicable breakups are possible, and with these tips you can have romantic freedom without creating an enemy of your neighbor. If your neighbor thinks you value him/her as a person, they will think fondly of you even after the romance is distant history.