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I'm so sorry to here you are

#78366 On Wednesday, April 02, 2008 Guest (not verified) said,

I'm so sorry to here you are in so much turmoil. I know your pain. I had the very same issues last year for an entire year and also became depressed and felt trapped! It is unfortunate that anyone outside the situation cannot understand the toll that noise (especially from above) can take on a person's mental and physical state. I was frequently brought to tears of despair and helplessness when I was also kept awake by stomping above. But there IS a light at the end of the tunnel. You will regain the joys of life if you just hang in there!

First: Get LOTS of HIGH QUALITY ear plugs! Pick the ones that cancel out as much sound as possible. I used a lot of spongy disposables that worked pretty good. Don't wait another minute, buy them today (even 24-hour Rite Aid and grocery stores sell them). This is a MUST if you want to regain a little bit of shuteye and your sanity!

Second:
Temporarily relocate your sleeping quarters to the quietest part of your apt. Even if this means sleeping on the couch, on the floor, heck, even in the closet if it helps! And don't wait to move 'til you are woken up by noise, go ahead and sleep in that spot BEFORE the ruckus begins.

Third:
It is hard when your neighbors just don't get it, but maybe you should calmly, but firmly plead with them using the exact words you used in this comment. You may even write them a polite letter if you are uncomfortable doing it in person, but you will lose the opportunity to best convey your emotions with your face, gestures, and posture. Perhaps they will remember to be more considerate after you tell them that it has caused you to lose so much weight and everything else. Thank them profusely for their recent efforts and for listening to your concerns. They need to know that you appreciate their good intentions. If you can get them to truly feel sympathy for your condition, that may turn things around. But be sure to express that you understand they are good neighbors and your request is just that - a request (yet, out of desperation). Don't be afraid to let them know exactly how desperate and helpless you feel, but above all, be polite and not demanding. At this point, you have nothing to lose by being upfront with them.

You might even consider working out a compromise. For example, maybe they will agree only to clean 3 mornings/week instead of 5 or agree not to where shoes in the room above your bed. Or buy them those little felt pads to place on the 'feet' of their furniture, which are cheap and sold at hardware stores. Ask them if they would consider using them and inform them that they make sliding furniture also much easier on physical effort.

Alas, don't be surprised when they either refuse or forget. Most people are just incapable of understanding why they should modify THEIR perfectly 'normal' behavior/routine just because someone else can't deal with it. I only wish it wasn't so.

Third:
If speaking/writing to them one last time doesn't resolve it, and the earplugs don't work out, then I would do the following:

a) See someone for your depression ASAP if you feel it is seriously compromising your daily life and well-being. NOTHING is more important than your health! If you think you can't afford it, there must be all kinds of local affordable mental health programs out there - you just need to find 'em. See if the Dr. can teach you relaxation methods or something before just writing out a prescription. And beware of sleep-aid drugs though, they are highly addictive.

b) Move-out! If you are trapped by your lease, then look into the fee of breaking it (usually one-month's rent), it might be worth it. I made up a fabricated story to break a lease once, and had to even provide evidence to corroborate it, which I also did. It worked, but I still had to pay the fee. Or, see if the manager will let you relocate to another unit (upstairs) for a fee. Explain to them your deteriorating health due to the noise and maybe, just maybe, they will have a heart. Maybe if you can get a Dr.'s note explaining that you must move for your health conditions, then perhaps there is some legal loophole that will permit you to break the lease for health reasons. OR sublet your place to someone else so that you don't break the lease. Most places have restrictions against this, but doing it illegally is an option, though a very risky one - especially if the sub-leasee is a bad tenant.

c) Stay with a friend/relative/co-worker. They will understand if they are truly your friend and you explain that it is short-term and your health depends on it.

d) Sleep elsewhere. Since you sleep in the daytime, you could safely and easily get away with sleeping in lots of public areas for free. I've napped in my car many times in multiple shopping center parking lots. (You'd probably be better off in a busier one than an empty one which would make you look suspicious). There is a risk that someone will think you are a hobo and call the cops, but it's not like they would arrest you for it. Maybe check out a nice shady, grassy park - people nap at those all the time, they were made for it! Or sleep in your car parked next to a park or similar area. Or maybe in your car parked at your apartment is even good enough. It's never as nice as a bed, but noise is the priority here.

e) Above all, hang in there! Tell yourself frequently (out-loud) that you are strong and will get through this and things will turn around. It's mind over matter and your mind is capable of overcoming just about anything! Avoid dwelling on it as much as possible. Keep your mind busy with positive thoughts or reading, even if you don't believe those positive thoughts.

I am no expert, but I have had a lot of experience with your predicament and I wrote this long response because I empathize with you and wish someone had shared these ideas with me when I was suffering. I left when my lease ended and have been blissfully happy ever since! There is life after noise, I PROMISE! =) Best of luck, friend.

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